Glad to be here!

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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by tomi1000 on Wed Mar 07, 2018 8:37 pm

again I will say - I so enjoy reading of your wonderful new adventure - the good and the sad. It is totally okay and normal for you to be feeling sad and a loss of your old life - transitioning takes time and patience.

I do wonder why you have a car you hate so much? is there a way to fix that? a trade-in maybe?

From a woman who moved into the house her husband shared with his EX wife - I can assure you I whole-heartedly understand your need to find a fresh start in a home that does not carry another woman's mark. I sleep in the same bedroom that they shared -- my only consolation being that it is a part of the remodel they did just before she left him for her boy-toy so - if they ever had sex in that room, it was probably only a couple of times. And HE AND I have made love in there probably a thousand times! Smile (I win!) Plus - we are planning an extensive remodel that will allow me to leave my own mark Wink

The bugs and the heat sound really awful! I hope you have a long and pleasant fall! And yeah for light, flowy dresses!
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by The Walrus on Thu Mar 08, 2018 3:59 am

That's right, five weeks today! Seems like a thousand years ago. I'm a stranger in a strange land. A really, really land though. I am thinking that I am entering a difficult period when the relief of being here and the newness is wearing off, and yet I am not adjusted.

I don't hate the car so much as I hate driving and I particularly hate driving in the suburbs. But his mother gave me the car - it is hers, but she no longer has a license and hasn't driven in 3 or 4 years. It is an 'old lady car' - 17 years old, very low miles, spotless interior. She also paid to make it roadworthy - new tires, etc. So I should not be complaining!

Work went well today. I am definitely settling in there. Let me tell you something - Aussie men love American women. They are quite aggressive! I'm wearing a wedding ring, and I'm at work! On the clock! Do they think I will skive off and have a coffee with them in the middle of the work day? Even if I was single? Sheesh.
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by perennialpam on Thu Mar 08, 2018 6:29 am

It is always nice to feel attractive.

Hope they don't make a nuisance of themselves though.
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by Pedidoc on Thu Mar 08, 2018 8:49 am

I think you are making a marvelous transition to your new life. You have gone from living alone, doing and eating what you want when you want to sharing these things with a partner (granted it is Dream, but still it is a transition). You have changed from a job where you felt extremely competent to one that you are having to figure out how to be competent. A small town in Maine to a larger town literally across the globe. A car you thoughtfully researched and carefully chose and loved to one that while lovingly given to you is not your style. It is normal to grieve your life pre-Dream and does not mean you do not love your life with Dream, it is just a process you will have to go through. You are Walrus, you are strong, I am confident that you will emerge stronger and yes even happier.
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by The Walrus on Fri Mar 09, 2018 4:58 pm

Such wise words, thanks for that!  I struggle with missing pieces of my old life and remind myself that it is okay to do that. And there is nothing wrong with working to change parts of my new life that I am not so crazy about. I lived in the city for years, the whole rat race thing, commuting in heavy traffic etc., and was so happy that I left that behind. Dream is not adverse to moving to a less populated area and Australia has plenty of places that are quite rural but still very close to large cities, i.e. the Sunshine Coast, which we have visited several times and both love. I am sure Dream and I could find an affordable but very nice home and make ourselves happy there.
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by The Walrus on Fri Mar 09, 2018 9:51 pm

I've continued with my RCAF workout - I leapfrogged over a lot of levels because it was too easy and I was getting bored and who stays with a boring workout? I'm on Chart 2 Level 23 (or something like that, it's in the other room.). Much more challenging but not so much that I won't do it. Also doing the stretches for my back from the FitBurner video (see a few pages ago,). I do those every morning no matter what else I've got going as my back pain returns if I miss a day or two. It is helpful that Dream is very supportive of my stretches and workout. He has his own stretch/exercise routine that he does faithfully and believes in movement of all kinds. Also we walk for 1 1/2 hours a day, although I miss the walk on days when I am working as I don't get home until well after dark - my new job involves 10+ hour days.

We just made the round of the markets and have pastured pork, free range chicken, loads of veg and fruit. Due to the rockmelon (cantaloupe) listeria scare, they are super cheap and are boldly labeled as tested and safe. So we are binging on melon!
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by Narrowminded on Sat Mar 10, 2018 5:09 pm

TW sounds like a great WO plan. I do hope you find a place to live that you both love and won’t cause a ton of travel time to and from work. I think you are doing great!
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by The Walrus on Sun Mar 11, 2018 5:09 pm

marcadav wrote:This has helped when I have a sciatica flare:
https://www.fitnessblender.com/videos/lower-back-stretches-for-sciatica-pain

Thought I would bring this up from a few pages ago - these stretches really work. And I have found that tight hamstrings are often the culprit. Shout out to marcadav!
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by The Walrus on Sun Mar 11, 2018 6:04 pm

I've been thinking about something these last weeks - Dream does not own a scale and does not have a full length mirror. I'm sure that I am much happier with my appearance and body image without those two things.
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by Rig D on Mon Mar 12, 2018 8:01 am

About the back stretch video: I do most of these and find them beneficial for my lower back problems, with some modification because my knees aren't flexible enough to do them quite as shown. But a word of warning for others with bulging disks in their spine: be careful how far you push them. In doing the cobra flex that is shown, I apparently overdid it and ended up with several weeks of pretty bad pain. It required several trips to the chiropractor to get back to normal.

Interesting about your thoughts on scale and mirror.
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by Meant2Move on Mon Mar 12, 2018 3:45 pm

Such a treat to catch up with you. I wholeheartedly agree with Pedidoc, you've made astounding changes and are handling them with remarkable aplomb. But, it is also perfectly natural to miss the life you had - it isn't as if you disliked it. It was yours, comfortable, and what you built for yourself. I am confident that you will build this new life into what you want it to be as well.

I so admire your courage in making these changes to get the life and life partner that you want.
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by tomi1000 on Mon Mar 12, 2018 4:42 pm

^ I second that!
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by The Walrus on Mon Mar 12, 2018 5:17 pm

You are so kind! And I really value your perspectives. Especially M2Ms observation that my old life was pretty darn good. Of course I miss it!

Yes, be careful with the cobra and most of us shouldn't even think of doing as severe a back bend as the young lady demonstrates. Press with the hands and a slight lift of the upper body is fine.
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by Narrowminded on Mon Mar 12, 2018 8:23 pm

M2M is right. I’m not sure I could move half way around the world. That would be scary and I know I’d miss my family here. You are a very brave soul.
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by The Walrus on Fri Mar 16, 2018 7:23 pm

Well, this hasn't been the best week ever - I was swamped at work, and I worked more hours than I was authorised and I am feeling very weird about that - I had so much to do, more work was added on, and instead of two hours I worked five - and I really worked, let me tell you. I was exhausted after five, and I could easily have done another hour - the paperwork is endless endless endless. Not sure how I'm going to handle this. I know that I should simply put for 5 hours and let my boss be annoyed, but a little voice is telling me to short myself and make things smoother. Also I got a speeding ticket to the tune of $250. Three miles over the limit, caught by a traffic camera and received in the mail. That really made my day, let me tell you.

Today is our one year wedding anniversary! alien We are going to a steakhouse tonight.
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by Meant2Move on Fri Mar 16, 2018 7:27 pm

Oh, that just seems sneaky and mean - the ticket in the mail, I mean.

So pleased for you that you two now live together full time and can celebrate the big things such as anniversaries as well as the little daily stuff.

Sounds like you might want to ask the boss to set priorities. If you are not to work until completion, what is most important?

Have a lovely evening!
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by Greensprout on Fri Mar 16, 2018 7:29 pm

Happy anniversary!
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by tomi1000 on Fri Mar 16, 2018 9:09 pm

Happy Anniversary Smile

Sounds like a good time to talk with the boss -- either authorize more hours or give you less work to do. There really isn't any other option.
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by Pedidoc on Fri Mar 16, 2018 9:22 pm

Happy Anniversary. Ditto on talking to the boss.
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by perennialpam on Sat Mar 17, 2018 8:20 am

Happy Anniversary. That sure came in fast and to be with your loved one makes it the best first anniversary ever!

Happy Days.
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by Narrowminded on Sat Mar 17, 2018 10:25 am

Happy Anniversary

Yes, do talk with the boss. Let him know you put in the 5 hours but are willing to take less since you were not authorized for the 5. Here in the states, auth or not the employer is required to pay for all the hours you worked. Not sure on the laws there.

So sorry about the ticket. That seems a bit large or 3 miles over the limit. Good grief. Speedometers can be off by more than that.

Here hoping for a better week.
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by The Walrus on Mon Mar 19, 2018 8:19 pm

Had a good weekend, although a strenuous one - on Sunday we paddled over 12 nautical miles!  I was really at my limit, and even Dream felt the same.  Part of the time the water was serene, but we hit some serious chop.  Although I like kayaking, I would like to do some shorter, easier paddles.  The wildlife I am always promised turns out to be one turtle seen from a  great distance.  Since I come from a place teeming with wildlife, I find it a bit disappointing.  

The sads have got me recently - embarrassing crying episodes, bad dreams.  I have woken up in tears from bad dreams three nights in a row, and yesterday I found a little figurine I had brought with me - a friend made it for me years ago, a little black cat - had been broken, probably by the dogs.  I couldn't stop crying for some time.  On one had I know I am being silly, on the other had, it does no good to dismiss and devalue my feelings. I hate not having my own things around me.
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by Meant2Move on Mon Mar 19, 2018 9:30 pm

Eek for those times when recreation becomes an endurance event! Endurance is fine when it is the plan, not so much when you are looking for a nice Sunday paddle.

Hugs to you!
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by tomi1000 on Mon Mar 19, 2018 11:04 pm

Sorry to hear you are having some sad times - and struggling emotionally. A counselor once told me that dreams are the subconscious mind trying to reconcile things that are "out of sorts" in our waking life. You are still in a place of adjustment - be kind to yourself and do what you need to feel a sense of home and comfort. Maybe getting moved and settling into a new place that is both your's and dreams will help settle your spirit a bit?
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Re: Glad to be here!

Post by Pedidoc on Tue Mar 20, 2018 3:37 am

^agree. Hope you find a new place that is “ours” versus “his” soon.
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Re: Glad to be here!

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