The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

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The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by Glass Full of Air on Tue Nov 28, 2017 4:27 pm

Being all "new-start" and newbie-esque, I think I'll dive in and make one of these.

Today is day 0.5 (In that I had breakfast before I decided today was day 1, so.... maybe more like 0.66)

It's not a new story.

I've been overweight to one degree or another since I was 12. PCOS kicked in when I hit puberty and with it came confusion, weight gain, and a host of other fun things. Looking back on it now with the clarity of my 38 years, I wish I were as "fat" now as I was back then when I was convinced I was a whale. Since then I've either battled my weight and size, or simply accepted it as one battle too many depending on where I was with my life. In my 20s I accepted it. I was busy with depression, a very unhealthy marriage, and some existential crises of alarming size and severity. In my early 30s, freshly divorced and 1800 miles away from my old life I started a lot of things over, including the fight with my weight.

Off came 90 pounds. Wow!

The tail end of that time was when I discovered primal, and had my first experience with the kind of change it could bring to my life. I don't remember why I stopped. Probably work. (I had been on disability for some of the leftovers from my 20s, and was just getting back to work). Since then the battle has been on and off, and for the last couple of years mostly off as I moved in with my parents to help with financial and health issues. (My incredibly healthy mother suddenly got quite sick, and couldn't work, so dad and I supported us and took over the housework and cooking, etc.) I've spent the past couple of years working between 2 and 5 jobs, stressed, and pushing at walls to make a bit of room for myself. Living with other people who have no interest in changing how they eat also complicates things, but... that brings me to now.

I'm not comfortable in my skin. The weight has crept back on. I've gained 60 of those 90 pounds back. My clothes fit weird, and I hurt in places I haven't hurt in years. In short, I'm unhealthy. I have too many things to do to be unhealthy! I miss the fit me with a ton of energy and the amazing immune system. I miss the me who ran half marathons and was tired and sore but not broken (I run slow, and walk a lot). I miss being excited about my meals and what I was cooking, rather than just being happy there's food and shoving it in my face. I miss that glowy feeling I get from eating healthy fats and a lot of veggies.

So here I am, ready to take up the battle again, except this time.... it's not a battle. It's a gift. I spent a long time this morning talking to my mom about it. I'm looking at moving out on my own in about 18 months. They're a lot more stable now and I can recoup some of the money I've spent keeping things together, and get my own place again. I'm looking at my career again instead of just the paycheck, and I Need.... need.... Need to get back to my healthy self. That means taking time from jobs 2-5 to be active. That means making time for play (I love my work, so will cheerfully spend all of my time off doing it but that's not good for me). That means eating in a way that my body responds well to, dropping the fat that's keeping me sick and tired, and diving back into this whole business.

Day 0.66
SW: 250.6 (Yeah, that was a reason not to wait until tomorrow)

B: Peanut butter on a graham cracker.
L: The last of an amazing chili I made this weekend with rice.
D:? Beef sauteed with zucchini, onion, tomato, and mushrooms.
Extras: S: Carrots, avocado, 1 oz of cheese, two shots of bourbon.

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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by Rig D on Wed Nov 29, 2017 7:56 am

Congrats on being the first up with a journal on this forum. You have an interesting story and I'll be following your progress and rooting for your long term sucdess.
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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by Narrowminded on Wed Nov 29, 2017 11:58 am

I second Rig - good job starting over. Here's to a new year of successes!

Grok on
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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by Glass Full of Air on Wed Nov 29, 2017 5:37 pm

Thanks, both of you! Smile

Today was fun. It was full of little reminders of when I did this before, the things I really liked.

1. I felt hungry. When I'm eating SAD I don't feel hungry even when I wait a long time between meals. I liked the hungry feeling before. It's rare to me, and new, and important. It made the food taste better.

2. I had that happy, glowy feeling from eating avocado this morning. The instant "good mood" that comes from eating certain fats is something I remember and missed. As I sat there this morning finishing my breakfast I was smiling because it was back.

My days are a bit crazy sometimes. I work in a middle school, running the school clinic. It's usually pretty hectic. I usually run around a lot. I wear a fitbit partially because watches are good, partly because I enjoy data, and mostly because I have a lot of sleep issues and being able to look for patterns helps. I usually have around 10k steps by the time I leave work just from all the moving around the job entails. I love that.

One of the things I'm working right now is a really annoying and persistent bout of plantar fasciitis, gained from my love of 5ks and being far too heavy. I talked to my doc yesterday (who is also a runner and also not tiny though she's in good shape) and she recommended a night splint for two weeks, so I ordered one today. It should be here for the weekend. I would really love to be active again without the pain. Losing some of this extra fat will help there too.

Taking the night off from job #2 (Amazon turk) to do a bit of cooking and work on a project for job # ... umm.... 4? (I have a lot of jobs.) and enjoying an awesome dinner my supportive mom who I discussed yesterday made two ways so I could have some.

For reference -

Job 1: Clinic-ville. School clinic manager in a middle school with 1800 students.
Job 2: Amazon Turk, which I work at for about 25 hours a week.
Job 3: Professional singer/actor which I do intermittently
Job 4: Composer, currently working on the OST for a video game and also writing my first musical.

Sometimes some other ones creep in there as well, but those are the biggies.

And here's some food!

B - 2 eggs, avocado, coffee
L - More beef with lots of veggies from last night
D - Chicken, sweet potato, mix of veggies
Extras 1 oz cheese, tangerine, 2 shots bourbon

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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by Glass Full of Air on Fri Dec 01, 2017 5:20 pm

Oof... I missed writing yesterday because of big things. My mom had a heart attack yesterday morning, and most of my day was taken up by trying to balance work/rehearsal/life with that. While I do feel good that I maintained my promise to myself of eating well and taking care of myself amidst that, writing a journal wasn't high on the to-do list.

Today has been a bit of a blur as well with all of that but I'm at home and taking my moment.

Eating wise I feel very good about the last couple of days. Yesterday I had eggs, avocado, chicken, a tangerine, an apple, a large green salad, some almonds, and a drink.

Today I ran around a lot at work, and had coffee, eggs, avocado, cheese, chicken, sweet potato, and am about to have beef and veggies. I feel very good too about managing the family stress, and keeping my life going somewhat (which is something the family really wants me to do).

Off to cook things. Have a lovely day!

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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by Annieh on Sat Dec 02, 2017 3:04 am

Hi! I was going to welcome and make some little comment about your first post, I especially like the bit where you talk about the gift of a healthy life, not the battle. And then I read further and find out about your Mom's heart attack! Whoa, you have a LOT going on and I am happy for you that eating well was able to be part of your self care today. Hang tight, keep grokking. And welcome to the journals and to the primal lifestyle.
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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by Rig D on Sat Dec 02, 2017 7:57 am

Hope your Mom is doing OK. Hopefully you can continue balancing all that is going on in your life and hanging tough on the food.
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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by Pedidoc on Sat Dec 02, 2017 8:42 am

Sending positive thoughts and prayers for you and your mom.
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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by Narrowminded on Sat Dec 02, 2017 9:08 am

Wow, crazy few days. Great job giving yourself, a lot of self care through these trying day. Sending huge hugs and prayers for you Mom's quick and full recovery.

Grok on
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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by jeangenie on Sat Dec 02, 2017 1:57 pm

You are doing so well to keep up with all this and deal with family things. I hope your mum is okay.
I know what you mean about feeling fat when you're not. I wasn't fat when my mum kept telling me I should be careful and I am happy that my DD has never even owned any scales. I must have been doing something right when I brought her up!
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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by Glass Full of Air on Sat Dec 02, 2017 8:42 pm

Thank you guys for your good wishes. Mom is home. It's confusing, because the symptoms all point to a heart attack, but her blood tests came back clean even after 24 hours of observation. It's... kind of like we're back to when she first got out of the hospital 2 years ago, where we live on tenterhooks and hope it doesn't happen again, or that we catch it soon enough.

She was told to exercise more (she's been afraid to due to lung issues) which is good, but also told walking isn't useful exercise which has me steaming mad. Dad too. To make her comfortable though I just ordered an elliptical machine so she can get some exercise even when the air quality is too poor for her to be outside. Chances are pretty good I'll use it too. I love getting a bit of time in on one of those and sweating, and a lot of the year it's far too hot to run outside.

I also just got a split to try and ease some plantar fasciitis. Tonight will be my first night wearing it. Should be interesting. Walking and running without pain though, will be worth any amount of "interesting" I need to deal with.

Food went well today. I was working on composing music all day so made some eggs and veggies at 10am and then realized at 6 I should probably eat again. I had tilapia, a sweet potato, and some veggies. Just now I had almonds and raisins, just a bit of each, and a piece of gouda.

I didn't get the hungry feeling today which was a bit sad. Not sure why not, except that sometimes when I'm working I just... don't notice things like that. It makes being guided by my hunger a bit awkward.

"Be guided by your body, except when you're writing music. Set an alarm or something or you'll be screwed!"

Grok on, lovely people!

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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by Rig D on Sun Dec 03, 2017 7:59 am

Did he med team provide any rational for the "walking isn't good exercise" advice? I would be steamed with that also, unless there was some really good reason.
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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by Glass Full of Air on Sun Dec 03, 2017 9:37 am

My father (who unlike me was in the room) thinks it was probably the doctor's way of telling mom whatever she was doing wasn't enough. She said "i go for walks", but honestly it's a good week if she walks 3 or 4 times for 15 minutes because of either air quality issues, or her breathing. The doctor may have assumed she was walking more, and felt she wasn't doing enough so that was his way of saying "Step it up, woman!"

Like a lot of people with lung issues, she's afraid of working hard even though that's a good way to help get her strength back.

The kicker too is she's always been the healthiest, and fittest person in the family, so I think she's just lost right now.

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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by Narrowminded on Sun Dec 03, 2017 10:25 am

It could be that when "most" people tell a physician they go for walks, they are not talking about a good primal walk. They're talking about a stroll to the mailbox and back. It's just like if a physician asks about whether you drink or not. Whatever you say, they tend to double it in their mind as "most" people are not honest about that.

In my mom's case, she will only walk for 5 min. She can say she takes walks, but her walks are definitely not enough.

Just some thoughts.

Hopefully everyone will love and use the elliptical in a good way.

Grok on!
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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by Rig D on Sun Dec 03, 2017 2:50 pm

I could buy that she isn't doing enough walking. It sounds to me like she has a very understandable issue with trying to step it up because of the lung issue. Perhaps you can help her develop a progressive plan of attack. Where are you located that air quality issues are bad enough to provide an exercise concern?

I'm kind of blah on the elliptical machine. I admit to have never used an elliptical, but have found all other exercise machines to be lacking in the "reality of doing" that you get from real walking/running, weight lifting, cycling.
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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by Heuristicfireflower on Sun Dec 03, 2017 3:48 pm

Must be so scary to see your mom in distress. I hope she is okay and it isn't a serious issue. On the right track, take care of yourself first so you can take of others.
I am quite curious to see how the splint works for you. I, also, have PF and it's incredibly annoying because I love to walk.
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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by Annieh on Mon Dec 04, 2017 4:46 am

Rig D wrote:

I'm kind of blah on the elliptical machine.

I'm worse than blah, I get motion sick! Yuk. But good luck to you all if it helps promote movement.


Also, I think it's perfectly ok to not feel hungry when you are deeply involved in a project. That's one of the benefits of this way of eating, not having to constantly refuel.
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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by jeangenie on Mon Dec 04, 2017 4:51 am

I try to get up and wander round the house every time I talk on the phone. It's not a lot of exercise but seems like a good habit to get into.
Good luck with all this!
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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by Meant2Move on Mon Dec 04, 2017 7:14 pm

Hmm, that bit about walking does sound odd, but yes, it could well be that she isn't doing enough. My mom and I have that conversation fairly often. I try not to nag, but I am concerned as she sits far too much.

Hope you are doing well, kudo's on not allowing stress to lead you back to SAD.
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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by jeangenie on Wed Dec 06, 2017 3:32 am

My DH is a sitter, too. He worked in IT and still loves his laptop but spends most of his day sitting in the chair doing tech-y things. He talks about a daily walk but I have to initiate it!
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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by Rig D on Wed Dec 06, 2017 6:42 am

Jeangeine, your DH's background is like mine. I converted a tall cabinet into a standing desk and use it a lot. I set a timer for 23 minutes and when it goes off, I do 5 laps on my in-house loop through the LR,DR,Kitchen,hall, office. Repeat indefinitely while on the PC.
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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by Narrowminded on Wed Dec 06, 2017 2:06 pm

Rig - I try to do something similar here. Been failing lately, need to remember to set that timer.

Good advice for all.

Grok on my friend!
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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by Glass Full of Air on Wed Dec 06, 2017 6:09 pm

Hi all,

I love that conversation is happening here! Sorry that I haven't been a part of it. Job 1 is being ridiculous (I'm seeing twice as many students in the clinic as usual Every Day), and I've hid a migraine since yesterday so haven't been coming online much.

Mom's big issue has been not being able to move much outside due to air quality. The elliptical was her choice (the others were a treadmill and a stationary bike) and I'm happy to get whatever will help her do what she needs to. (I also like using one myself especially on days when I want to move but it's 98 degrees outside. I live in Florida. Very Happy

I've been doing well with the primal side of things despite the stress which makes me very happy. Lots of eggs because they involve minimal time. Lots of raw veggies, chicken, fish, some beef, a bit of fruit, considerably less bourbon than I'm used to. I may treat myself to some supremely dark chocolate tomorrow or Friday if I make it through work. So far I have, but I came home today and took migraine meds and cried, so we'll see how tomorrow goes.

I'm still in love with those moments of hunger. Usually around 11 I feel it for a while. I eat breakfast around 6 and lunch at 1. The 11am hunger sort of hits for 10 to 15 minutes and then fades away. I get hungry again around 6 or 7 at night (feeling a bit of it now but it's mostly covered up by migraine nausea)

The PF splint is.... uncomfortable. I've been researching a lot while experimenting with it. One of the things commonly recommended which I'm appreciating is that it's not necessary to wear all night while you're sleeping. A few hours helps too, and they recommend people start with an hour or so before bed, and get used to it. I think I kept it on for 2 or 3 last night. It does help. My wake-up pain is better. The balance between that and good sleep is important though. I'll keep updating.

Take care, friends!

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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by Heuristicfireflower on Wed Dec 06, 2017 11:54 pm

I'm sorry to read how bad your migraines are.  Hope it gets better soon, for you.  On the PF,  I've found the "Footlog" immensely helpful for loosening the ligaments, muscle under the foot.  You can find it on Amazon.  I also would stretch my toes towards me with a belt every morning before popping out of bed.  It may help.
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Re: The Glass is Never Empty - My Primal Diary

Post by Rig D on Thu Dec 07, 2017 6:45 am

If you look at exercise equipment again for your Mom, I strongly recommend the Schwinn Air-Dyne. It's a stationary bike with arm levers so you can work "full body." Has really good bearings and gives pretty close approximation to riding a real bicycle.Mine is about 30 years old, still going pretty good. The design hasn't changed much in that time. They are more pricey than the knock-offs, but the quality and durability is quite good. (Unless they've "cost reduced" it a whole bunch recently.
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