Tomi found her way!

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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by perennialpam on Thu Feb 08, 2018 7:35 am

<<hugs>> While reading your latest entry I wondered if there had been abuse...then I read backward and find there was. I hope you find a way to deal with this.
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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by Pedidoc on Thu Feb 08, 2018 8:57 am

Tomi, I do not have the dreams, but I do know the fear of someone breaking in (especially when DH is OOT). I wish I had a good answer for you, but I do not as I do not have one for myself. I can tell you to keep on plugging and reassure you that you are not alone.
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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by tomi1000 on Sat Feb 10, 2018 11:43 pm

Thank you so much. Smile Kathi - I did expect you would be able to relate as you are home on your own often. The fear comes in my dreams, but since I'm rarely alone at night I don't get scared while awake very often. I do believe the abuse has something to do with my insecurities and fears that arise in my dreams. But I also had a very insecure childhood as a whole - so its probably just a combination of everything.

So, I must have severely depleted my energy stores getting ready for the super bowl party because I have been doing nothing but resting all week. Haven't left the house except to walk around the yard and to the mail box across the street. I'm just very tired. I'm hoping to feel better tomorrow.

I finally let down all the walls and told hubby exactly how I'm feeling and talked to him about my fears for the future. He was very understanding. Very sensitive and loving. Last night he looked at me and asked me how I was feeling - I told him I was pretty warn out. And he said, "you seem worse today, do you think you're getting worse?" I told him that at that moment yes, I felt that I was getting worse, not better, but I think what was really happening was a total energy dump from the weekend before. I felt my body was completely depleted, like a tire that had no air. I told him I just need to rest, eat healthy food and take my vitamins, and not stress or beat myself up about being a total couch potato while I regain some energy.

Time will tell...............I may never be better than I am right now. If my body does not start to process and utilize the food I feed it and the vitamins I give it then things look rather bleak for our future. And maybe my life will be a short one. But, I will no give up. And I pray and I believe in a God who heals. There are times when my hope is dim - but I still have hope and faith for healing.
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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by Pedidoc on Sat Feb 10, 2018 11:59 pm

I think I will tell you the same thing I've told GS. While this is your reality now, it does not mean it is your reality forever. You can't compare yourself to what you were or hope to be. You can only be the best you can be right now. If that means only being able to care for yourself, then that's what you do.

Also lesson learned, at least for now, no more big parties!

Hang in there, rest, recharge, regroup.
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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by tomi1000 on Sun Feb 11, 2018 2:26 am

Thanks for those words - I have been coming to that realization over the passed weeks, since my diagnosis and treatment plan was set in place. It is what it is - and I can hope and pray for something better, but I must be content with that is.

And, no - I told hubby tonight that I am not able to do anymore parties until I am stronger. We have nothing scheduled until the business bbq this coming July, so nothing to be concerned with for several months. And, if I am still unable, then the party will be something simple - maybe even catered this year.

I have accepted my limitations and I know where my boundaries must be set. And above all else, my health comes first.
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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by Pedidoc on Sun Feb 11, 2018 10:32 am

Accepting current limitations is an important step toward healing IMHO.
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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by tomi1000 on Sun Feb 11, 2018 5:49 pm

yes I agree.

I slept fairly well last night. Was in bed for nearly 11 hours. Got up and showered - AH! that felt good. Hubby and I took a slow stroll around the park today - crisp, clear, Oregon spring air! It felt so good in my lungs! Once around the park is about a quarter of a mile. I'm pooped out now and might take a nap.
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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by Narrowminded on Sun Feb 11, 2018 6:31 pm

Tomi I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling this week. I agree with Pedi, acceptance leads to healing. Don’t ever beat yourself up for where you are right now.

I’m keeping you in my prayers.
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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by tomi1000 on Sun Feb 11, 2018 7:14 pm

Thanks, NM Smile Prayers are powerful, and I'm thankful for yours.

I was just reading about intravenous vitamin therapy. I'm going to ask my NP about it at my next visit. Not sure if my insurance will cover this - but at this point anything that will help pull me out of this is worth shelling out the money for. If I'm dumping buckets of vitamins into my intestines, and peeing out the majority of it - then I'm just flushing all that money.
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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by tomi1000 on Sun Feb 11, 2018 10:36 pm

a bit more reading --- IV nutritional therapy - I want it!
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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by Narrowminded on Mon Feb 12, 2018 5:35 pm

Ok then, let’s pray it is an option, available and affordable.
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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by tomi1000 on Tue Feb 13, 2018 3:23 am

forgot to click send and my last post is completely lost - bummer.
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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by tomi1000 on Wed Feb 14, 2018 2:14 am

It's been a very rough week+ (since over doing super bowl prep) I still have not recovered.  I have not left home since February 2nd, with the exception of a walk around the park next door.  I took the garbage bins to the street last night, one was very heavy due to the yard guys cutting the grass and cleaning up leaves (at least 100 pounds) and even on wheels it was a struggle to move.  By the time I moved the 3 cans and got the mail I was dragging my feet back to the house.  I was not doing well at all for the rest of the evening.  I call those times a total energy dump.  I tried paying bills, but couldn't get my thoughts organized enough to do it.  And when the men left (bible study group) at 8:00 pm, I crashed on the sofa.  I went to bed at 10 - but couldn't sleep.  Utterly tired, but not sleepy.  I got out of bed at 1:30 for a bit.  The last glance at the clock was 3:15 I think.  I stayed in bed until 10:45.  Today was not much better - tried to do bills but thoughts were too messy - so I pushed it off till tomorrow.

I had errands on my calendar for today, but couldn't do it.  I don't feel comfortable driving when I'm so exhausted like this - I did it once, on my last day of work, and I nearly got in a crash.  Hubby offered to do the banking, take the taxes to the accountant and stop at the store.  

I called my NP today and scheduled an appointment for the 20th.  Thats a full 3 weeks sooner than I was scheduled.  I'm going to ask her what my prognosis is for regaining my energy and getting back into the world of the living.  I want to talk to her about getting IV nutritional therapy, and find out if there is anything else I can be doing to end this nightmare of poor sleep and utter exhaustion.   I honestly feel like I'm getting worse.  It might have something to do with the candida diet - I stopped juicing and stopped eating many very nutritious foods because they were too high sugar.  I'm starting my juicing again tomorrow.  Hubby picked up what I need, and I have a bunch in the freezer.

There must be more that I can do.  I try to research, find information on how to treat adult malnutrition due to malabsorption - but I don't find much on the subject.  

I do need to change my b complex because the kind I currently use is not methylated.  Maybe the vitamin IV will help.  I just hope there is someplace local that does this because travel is not an option for me - not alone anyway.  

The journey continues............


Last edited by tomi1000 on Thu Feb 15, 2018 2:03 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by Pedidoc on Wed Feb 14, 2018 8:47 am

Get back on the candida diet. I know it is hard, but go back and read what you posted during that time. Your energy was better and you felt better. You can eat a limited selection for a small amount of time to reap the greater good in the long term!
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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by tomi1000 on Thu Feb 15, 2018 2:27 am

Yes, Kathi - as difficult as it is, I was feeling better. I'm going to go back on it, but not on the strictest level right now. I think until I recover from the super bowl drain of energy I need to concentrate in nutrients - healthy, and low glycemic - but not so strict for a couple weeks. I'll talk to the NP about it on the 20th. I am still on 100 mg of fluconazole.

One positive thing I have noticed from the meds and diet - I no longer have the white film on my tongue, and my mouth feels cleaner. I always felt like I was wearing a sweater on my tongue - and my tongue is no longer pressing into my teeth - leaving indentations and ridges along the edge. That must mean something good.

I did manage to get the bookkeeping done today - took a big stack of envelopes to the mailbox. I got the business and home all caught up - and it feels great! Even got the filing done.

Sleep last night was the same - I slept from 2:30 until about 10:30, and was very tired and weak so I stayed in bed till 12:30, then showered and dried my hair enough so that it wouldn't frizzle out too much. I might ask the NP for an Rx for sleep aides. Maybe - I really don't want to take them.

The WholeTones is helping, I sleep for longer stretches when its playing. And if I concentrate on the music and quiet my wondering thoughts I think it helps me fall asleep better than without it.

Tonight hubby installed motion sensors on both sides of our house because we have a problem with homeless people camping in the woods behind us again. Neighbors have surveillance cameras that have caught several people walking in and out of yards in the dead of night. Hubby keeps an extension cord to plug in his diesel on these cold nights - and word must be out that this is a good place to charge up cell phones at night, as the cord is often found laying in positions that hubby did not leave it - and the neighbors have talked to several of the campers while they were recharging. Frustrating to say the least! Not that the power is enough to get upset about - but that they feel free to come on to our property and use things as they wish without asking. People are finding yard chairs and small bbq's missing. We've reported the camps and the authorities have posted them with signs saying they must leave. They leave such a mess - all their garbage is left, and the drug paraphernalia. Needles and such. One of the neighbors walked through and took pictures of the mess to send to the authorities - its totally disgusting. Porn pictures and all kinds of nastiness. Last time the camps got so big the city had to bring in a Haz Mat team to clean up all the filth and used drug stuff. Hopefully they will move on soon. We have a really big homeless problem in the Pacific NW - I'm not sure why they don't try to move south where the weather is better for living that way. We need more programs to help them get off the street and off the drugs and back into society. Its very sad. But, not so sad that I can be okay with them living in our neighborhood and steeling whatever they want to take.
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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by Pedidoc on Thu Feb 15, 2018 10:29 am

IMHO, by not focusing on eating the candida diet nutrients that your body needs to heal, you are doing yourself a disservice. This of course is just my opinion and you should follow what the NP says, but the fluconizole needs some help.
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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by Narrowminded on Thu Feb 15, 2018 6:17 pm

So sorry about the homeless and the taking of good and leaving of messes right in or next to your back yard. Not that you want to encourage them to be there, but I wonder if you set up some large garbage cans if they’d bother to use them. Might at least keep things a bit neater.

Happy to hear the WholeTones is helping with your sleep. That’s actually a positive for healing.

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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by tomi1000 on Thu Feb 15, 2018 6:25 pm

Pedidoc wrote:IMHO, by not focusing on eating the candida diet nutrients that your body needs to heal, you are doing yourself a disservice.  This of course is just my opinion and you should follow what the NP says, but the fluconizole needs some help.  

I don't think I quite follow.  Are you suggesting that I need to be on the full strict version?  or is it okay to be on the less strict plan?  The most strict eliminates things such as all fruits except for berries, and veggies that are higher in sugar such as carrots, beets and yellow squash.  The diet plan I have is from my NP and comes from the Institute for Functional Medicine.  I will see if I can attach the file........... Nope, I can't attach a file from my computer.  And I can't access the form from the site without a log-in.

Sleep was the same - I couldn't fall asleep until very late.  I made myself get up earlier thinking it might help me fall asleep earlier tonight.  No energy again.  

formulating a list of questions for the NP.
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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by tomi1000 on Thu Feb 15, 2018 6:35 pm

Narrowminded wrote:So sorry about the homeless and the taking of good and leaving of messes right in or next to your back yard. Not that you want to encourage them to be there, but I wonder if you set up some large garbage cans if they’d bother to use them. Might at least keep things a bit neater.

Happy to hear the WholeTones is helping with your sleep. That’s actually a positive for healing.


the park has several garbage cans they could use. They just choose not to use them. The messes aren't very near our yard. The camps are in the 12 acre park that is adjacent to our property. There is a high area that is developed park with a play structure and walking paths, then there is the undeveloped woodland that lays at a lower level - the river runs just beyond the park land. When the water rises, all their garbage is washed down the river - needles and all. This includes their "bathroom" facilities, which is a whole in the ground below the high water level mark. I know they have no place to go - but there are many shelters and homeless facilities in town they could stay at. They choose not to because they aren't allowed to bring in their drugs and alcohol. So they find places to camp. Places like this - public park land. It's illegal to camp in the city parks, but its very difficult to get them to stop doing it. There have already been a few parks closed down due to the homeless camps making such a mess.
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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by perennialpam on Fri Feb 16, 2018 5:14 am

We have homeless camps pop up all around my mom's town. There is a nice shelter there but the same rules apply. Many of the homeless also have dogs.

It is a shame. Many are duel diagnosis problems; mental and drug. Sad.
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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by Pedidoc on Fri Feb 16, 2018 5:24 am

tomi1000 wrote:
Pedidoc wrote:IMHO, by not focusing on eating the candida diet nutrients that your body needs to heal, you are doing yourself a disservice.  This, of course, is just my opinion and you should follow what the NP says, but the fluconazole needs some help.  

I don't think I quite follow.  Are you suggesting that I need to be on the full strict version?  or is it okay to be on the less strict plan?  The most strict eliminates things such as all fruits except for berries, and veggies that are higher in sugar such as carrots, beets and yellow squash.  The diet plan I have is from my NP and comes from the Institute for Functional Medicine.  I will see if I can attach the file........... Nope, I can't attach a file from my computer.  And I can't access the form from the site without a log-in.

Sleep was the same - I couldn't fall asleep until very late.  I made myself get up earlier thinking it might help me fall asleep earlier tonight.  No energy again.  

formulating a list of questions for the NP.

Again, only my opinion, but I think you need to follow the diet as laid out by the NP. What I understand from your posts is you have not been able to get back to that level since the super bowl party. If I misunderstood, please accept my apologies.
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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by tomi1000 on Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:21 pm

oh no apologies needed - you're right - kinda.  She wanted me on the most strict version of the diet and at 1/2 dose of fluconazole until I could handle the full dose without the nausea and dizziness.  I started back on full dose 2 days before the super bowl party.  Thats why I have not got back on the full strict version.  I'm back on the regular version now - and at full dose meds.  I will see what she says on Tuesday, but I think I'm doing what she intended.  

I'm juicing again - second day now - and it could be a total coincidence, but I'm feeling better today than I have in a month.  If I continue feeling good I will continue with the juicing.  Everything is diet approved on the normal version, but the apples, carrots and beets are not approved on the strict version.  

A friend came this afternoon - I love this friend!  She is the wife of my oldest male friend.  He and I met in the first grade - and we are still friends today.  51 years!  I keep thanking him for marrying such an amazing woman cuz I have a wonderful friend.  We just get each other. Both are husbands are busy tomorrow so she's coming over and we're watching chic flix. We've asked another friend to come too, but haven't got a reply.

I really did have a pretty good day energy wise - nothing to celebrate, but definitely an improvement. I'm feeling more hopefully, as I always do when the good days come.
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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by Narrowminded on Sat Feb 17, 2018 10:43 am

Tomi, so happy for your good day. I’m also happy you have an appt on Tues to clarify the NP’s intent of the reg protocol vs the stricter one. I would think, the stricter one with the full dose meds would help things heal more quickly, but I’m not the NP so I don’t know, just something I would think.

I’m glad you are gathering some energy for the juice.

I wish you well
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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by tomi1000 on Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:59 am

Narrowminded wrote:Tomi, so happy for your good day. I’m also happy you have an appt on Tues to clarify the NP’s intent of the reg protocol vs the stricter one. I would think, the stricter one with the full dose meds would help things heal more quickly, but I’m not the NP so I don’t know, just something I would think.

I’m glad you are gathering some energy for the juice.

I wish you well

oh definitely things would move faster if I did the meds and the strict version - no argument there. I will do what she feels is best. But I am going to ask if I can continue with the apple, carrots and beets in my juice.

Friday and Saturday were okay days - I had a bit more energy. Today was not so good, but it was okay. I took a bit of a nap on the sofa Smile

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Re: Tomi found her way!

Post by tomi1000 on Mon Feb 19, 2018 4:35 pm

I have been sleeping much better over the past several nights. I've been able to go to bed around 11 and fall asleep without too much trouble. I'm waking up to pee 2-3 times but I make myself sleep-in until as long as possible so sometimes I'm still sleeping at 9:30.

Today I feel more rested, but still have minimal energy. I see the NP tomorrow so I'm trying to prepare my list of topics to discuss, and my pill order (she gets me Pure Encapsulation brand at her cost - it saves me 50% of the retail cost).

I'm doing some research on anti-viral natural supplements. There are some studies that show promise - but nothing has been studied on human subjects, or even animal - its all in the lab. I would like to find a viral specialist to talk to - but can't find any in the area. OHSU has a department, but I don't know yet if there is a way to speak with anyone. I can't just sit back and let this be my life. I need to be doing something to try to fix this.

I lost all my will power Saturday and I ate pizza and cheesecake. Full disclosure......... Back at it today.
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