Every day remains a wandering road

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Post by Meant2Move on Wed Jun 20, 2018 9:46 pm

Wow - that is big news, but I think also good news. You have given a lot, now it is time to give back to yourself. You've a lot of life ahead of you, and you deserve to live it without pain and distress. It will take time to disengage, but you will be moving forward and that is so important.

Be at peace.
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Post by Greensprout on Wed Jun 20, 2018 10:25 pm

Thank you, M2M. I think I’ve known this in my gut for a while, just needed to find the “permission” to let go and move on. If my work is causing me more angst than satisfaction, why the hell should I stay there? I will have a healthy pension income. That’s not an issue. I truly need to focus on my personal wellbeing and happiness. Otherwise, what’s left?? It’s not about money, we will be comfortable. What I’ve been doing for the past couple of years is not doing that.
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Post by perennialpam on Thu Jun 21, 2018 5:21 am

Listen to your gut GS. Very good idea.

Bless you.
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Post by Narrowminded on Thu Jun 21, 2018 8:43 am

GS this decision might end up really helping your mental health. However I know it still doesn’t come easy. Hugs as you figure things out.
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Post by Rig D on Thu Jun 21, 2018 9:08 am

I would agree. I thought the military pretty much booted you out after 20 years, with a full retirement, so I'd say you can hang it up and entertain other opportunities that may be more personally rewarding.
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Post by Pedidoc on Thu Jun 21, 2018 9:36 am

GS have you thought about what you might do after you leave the military? Is there something that you have always wanted to do, but couldn't? Maybe if you focus on the new opportunity, letting go will be easier.

We go through cycles in our lives. I never thought I would leave NICU, but I did. I never thought I would stop being a school nurse (the hours and summers off worked well with young kids), but I did. I never thought I'd go back to school, but I did (3 times). I never thought I would be teaching as my full-time gig, but here I am. I guess my point is you have to be open to what is out there and find what works for you where you are in your life.
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Post by tomi1000 on Thu Jun 21, 2018 3:10 pm

I have to say - all this time I've been hoping you would come to this conclusion so I am pleased that you are comfortable with the decision and are making plans to move on and move forward. Like Pedidoc says - you have the freedom to find your happy place now! Cease the opportunity. But also - you could just coast for a while, with no pressures to do anything except what brings joy to your day. Smile
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Post by Greensprout on Thu Jun 21, 2018 8:41 pm

Honestly, I really don’t “need”to work for the income. I hope to focus on my own healing, and find meaningful volunteer opportunities in the community we plan to retire to. Just have some work to do before I’m ready to dive into that (physical and mental health). Have started the process for disability claims through Vererans Affairs, not looking for a monetary award, but more acknowledgement that I have some issues directly related to service, so I can have medical coverage for any future treatment that may be required.
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Post by Narrowminded on Thu Jun 21, 2018 9:08 pm

GS, good luck as you navigate the disability process. Never an easy one. You definitely deserve the coverage. Hugs
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Post by The Walrus on Thu Jun 21, 2018 10:43 pm

It’s a cliche, but it’s true - when a door closes, another opens Smile
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Post by Greensprout on Sat Jun 23, 2018 9:41 pm

Hanging in. Becoming more comfortable with my decision, but will keep it to myself until we hear back from higher HQ.

My Mom is coming next week. She hasn’t been here in a couple of years, we offered to cover airfare, but as her home is a 4 hr drive from the nearest airport, she has decided to drive over 2 days (a 13 hr road trip) and she knows folks along the way to visit with. We will cover her travel costs. Should be here on Thursday. Maybe her presence will help me kick myself in the ass and work harder on progress...
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Post by Narrowminded on Sun Jun 24, 2018 9:02 am

GS I pray you will have a good visit with mom. Hopefully she can help you with your progress.

Hugs
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Post by Greensprout on Sun Jun 24, 2018 8:59 pm

See both psychiatrist and GP tomorrow. Last day of current sick leave, so will sort out what the plan is from here. Mom will likely arrive on Thurs.
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Post by Pedidoc on Mon Jun 25, 2018 8:47 am

Hope the doctor visits go well today. I know you are looking forward to a good visit with Mom.
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Post by Greensprout on Mon Jun 25, 2018 9:04 pm

Dr appts went reasonably well. A few med changes once again from psychiatrist (reducing 1 of 3 antidepressants to discontinuing in a week, increasing the med to deal with nightmares/vivid disturbing dreams).

Reg Doc has given another month of sick leave (good thing for me I still get paid), and will do some f/u and consults for further tax for the knee and to neurology for the neck pain and peripheral numbness. So progress, perhaps?? Time will tell.

Mom will be here on Thurs. hope to spend some time out like the zoo, human rights museum, and other cool local sites. And taking walks. Will be nice.
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Post by The Walrus on Tue Jun 26, 2018 5:23 am

So nice to spend Q time with mum!
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Post by tomi1000 on Tue Jun 26, 2018 2:13 pm

I just want to say --- as I have had such difficulty being patient with my own healing process --- that you must let the process run at its own pace. You can't force it or hurt it up. Yes, you can do what is needed to help the process along - but there is no rushing. The mind/body heals at its own pace, in its own time.

So - rest into the coming days of healing and be kind of loving to yourself.
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Post by Narrowminded on Tue Jun 26, 2018 5:08 pm

Happy to hear one med will be reduced/removed. That does sound like progress. Hopefully the med for dreams will help more with the increased dose.

I was thinking of you the other day, while a team of people continue to look for a nurse to at least come in and check on DH. My thought was, if you still wanted to stay in the nursing arena once you heal, maybe being a visiting nurse could work. At least here you set your own hours pretty much, so it could be a part time type thing.

Have fun with your Mom
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Post by Greensprout on Tue Jun 26, 2018 6:42 pm

Thanks TW, Tomi, NM and Pedi.

Had a good nearly 90 min teleconference with my Nurse Case Manager this afternoon. While in this process, members are assigned one who oversees and coordinates the efforts of the entire care team. I like the gal I have, she’s working well on my behalf to ensure all action points are followed up within my care team. I feel. She has my back.

Have managed to get up by 930 the past 2 days. Getting a few more things done each day. Both GP yesterday and CM today said they see/feel I’m brighter/less flat emotionally/basically slowly improving in depressive sx. This is good. I’m sort of feeling that a little bit too, not a huge amount, but again, baby steps may be needed for progress. More medical referrals are on tap for follow up on several of the physical issues (knee and peripheral neuralgia).
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Post by Greensprout on Tue Jun 26, 2018 6:54 pm

And just for the record, I am reading others journals daily, just not up to posting. We all have our struggles, challenges and successes, and sometimes need to devote our energy internally. Appreciate all your comments, and I’m there with you in your journeys.
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Post by tomi1000 on Tue Jun 26, 2018 8:29 pm

Smile Glad you are seeing a slight boost in mood. I get it - different sources, but same outcome. Being here helps me a lot - seeing the struggles that others have helps put mine into perspective. And listening to how you all are dealing with what life had dealt helps me to do the same. Smile
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Post by Greensprout on Tue Jun 26, 2018 9:50 pm

Just back from a 2 mile walk with hubby.  I wouldn’t have done that this evening, but he felt he ate too much supper and needed to, so I offered to join.  Just around the neighbourhood, but was good to move and be together.  Extra good since I didn’t go for a walk during the day.
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Post by tomi1000 on Tue Jun 26, 2018 11:05 pm

Nice! Smile
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Post by Greensprout on Wed Jun 27, 2018 6:47 pm

Not a bad day here. Got up later than I wanted, just couldn’t get eyes to stay open as alarms started, so in bed until 1030. Had to later drive son #2 to pick up his car at work, is a day off today and some of them had a “patio party” in the evening, so he cabbed home.

Watered my backyard garden, had a bunch of email correspondence with my Nurse Case Manager following up on our 90 min phone call yesterday. She’s awesomely organized, and ensuring all ongoing issues are in a table with action/follow up items, which will be shared with the team. Need to get working more on my VA claims.

Mom is on the road, and will arrive tomorrow afternoon. Will be watching the England Belgium World Cup game at 1pm with great interest!
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Post by Meant2Move on Wed Jun 27, 2018 8:56 pm

I hope you have a wonderful visit with your mom. Your case worker sounds like an excellent advocate. So pleased to read that you feel a bit better, I truly hope that continues. Keep walking as you feel up to it. Movement makes a world of difference.
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