Every day remains a wandering road

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Post by Greensprout on Thu Apr 12, 2018 9:48 pm

Awake today (with alarm) by 10, up by 1030. Still couldn’t focus on getting work evils done, must do tomorrow. Still blah.

Seeing from work emails (where shit is very busy), that there are people picking up my slack and have my back. That’s good. Does that mean it may be easier to back away this year, or not? A point to ponder. My first Capt colleague (also a friend) had a daughter today, her second after a son. Funny we were just texting last night that she thought it would be very soon. Another text convo with a colleague who covered a conference I would normally be at this week left me in tears. She has my back, too.

Odd day. Mixed emotions. Need to work on evals tomorrow and get them done. SSDD
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Post by Pedidoc on Fri Apr 13, 2018 8:15 am

It is great that your colleagues are stepping up. I know it is difficult when one realizes that others can do what we did (happened to me at previous university). So I would say mixed feelings are normal.
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Post by Greensprout on Fri Apr 13, 2018 10:46 pm

Ho hum day. Hubby was home early (had taken half day and conference call ended early) and woke me up past 11am, despite my earlier alarms. Mood and emotions were off. Hubby did comply and picked up the grocery bits I needed to make dinner as I really didn’t want to go out. He didn’t quite understand why, but followed through and came home with tulips (spring blooms are my favourites). Gotta love that Smile. Mood is currently improved from earlier in the day, at least no tears now. Sigh. See both psychologist and psychiatrist late in the week.
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Post by Narrowminded on Sat Apr 14, 2018 9:35 am

Hope you woke today with a much improved mood. Thoughts continue to head your way for increasing peace each day.
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Post by Pedidoc on Sat Apr 14, 2018 10:13 am

Here are some spring Texas Bluebonnets to cheer you up.

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Post by Greensprout on Sat Apr 14, 2018 6:27 pm

Thanks NM, and Pedi, such lovely flowers with amazing colour! Thank you for the smile Smile
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Post by Annieh on Sun Apr 15, 2018 1:19 am

Beautiful flowers.  They look like our lupins, and sure enough I looked them up and they seem to be related.

Hang in there, Greensprout.

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Post by Pedidoc on Sun Apr 15, 2018 9:37 am

In the spring, Texas the medians of our highways are full of wildflowers. Ladybird Johnston had an initiative to beautify the highways and planting spring flowers was one of them. It makes for a very pretty drive.
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Post by perennialpam on Sun Apr 15, 2018 10:29 am

Good for Ladybird! Not many MI highways have beautiful flowers. Even my favorite Manistee has discontinued their Petunias along the main road. Much missed the last 2 years as they are so inviting.
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Post by Meant2Move on Mon Apr 16, 2018 9:40 pm

What lovely flowers! A friend of mine was just in Texas and posted some amazing pics.

Hugs to you, GS!
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Post by Greensprout on Mon Apr 16, 2018 9:50 pm

Funny, in at least some parts of Canada, lupins are considered invasive weeds, though I cant recall why. Lovely, regardless. I think I once had some in a garden in one of the houses we lived in.

Yesterday was not bad, slept late as usual, but mood somewhat better. Enough to shower, dress reasonably, do hair and makeup to go pick up grocery order and another errand or 2. Connected online with a colleague in a military support group that was good, plus had a phone chat with big brother, with whom we’ve long been out of touch but are now attempting more regular communication. Was a good talk. We live in very different circles, but he is there for support.

Today slow to wake, weird vivid dreams in the way. Was able to get a bit of work done online, though the performance evaluations still elude me due to focus issues. Hope to get completed tomorrow.

Was accepted into the OSI clinic chronic pain management group starting next week. Apparently meet as a group every 2 weeks for perhaps 8 weeks, with “homework” inbetween. All OSI clinic clients are either military or RCMP who have been referred and have operational stress injury concerns. Should prove interesting.

Tomorrow finally have appt with mil dentist about the referral for oral appliance for the snoring issue found in the sleep study last fall. Talk about snail’s pace. I thing she can then refer me to a dental specialist for a custom device, or something like that. So incentive to not stay up late and get up with time to sort myself out for 11am appt.
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Post by Pedidoc on Tue Apr 17, 2018 6:28 am

Busy with appointments. Make sure you take time for yourself.
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Post by Narrowminded on Tue Apr 17, 2018 9:25 am

Happy to hear you are having a good day peak through here and there. Progress.
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Post by Meant2Move on Tue Apr 17, 2018 2:46 pm

My nightguard makes all the difference in the world to me as far as sleeping better (it keeps my mouth closed and in a good position for breathing) and I can't clench my teeth so I don't wake with my jaws or neck hurting from grinding all night. On a good day, I can talk around it if spouse is chatty in bed... Smile
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Post by Greensprout on Tue Apr 17, 2018 5:33 pm

Had impressions taken for the oral anti snore appliance.  Basically night guards for both top and bottom that bring the lower jaw forward to prevent the snoring.  Is custom made, unlike the one the sleep study place was recommending, closer to 2K in cost vs $200.  Dentist said there’s little scientific evidence in favour of the cheap one.  So perhaps in a few weeks, 7 months after sleep study, I’ll find something that works and doesn’t send regular earplug wearing hubby to another room on some nights.  Sleep study didn’t show regular episodes of apnea, but up to 200 snores per hour... Shocked Shocked
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Post by Greensprout on Tue Apr 17, 2018 9:06 pm

In the meantime, case manager has suggested bringing hubby along to a therapy session. I feel a bit odd about this, as perhaps I may reveal more than I want to, which makes no sense for my partner of 26 years. He is willing, to perhaps learn how he can support. I will ask psychologist about it on my next appt in 2 days. Is it odd that I’m a tad uncomfortable with this?
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Post by Meant2Move on Tue Apr 17, 2018 9:17 pm

No, I completely get it. T and I have been together since 1984, I trust him with my life, but there are things I would hesitate to say if he were in the room with a therapist, things deep within me, nothing to do with him or our relationship. That said, I do see the value of allowing him greater insight into your thoughts if you are comfortable with it. Perhaps talk at the next meeting about areas you would be comfortable sharing so that the conversation can be steered that direction?

Follow your heart and instincts.
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Post by Greensprout on Tue Apr 17, 2018 9:55 pm

Thanks for your thoughts, M2M. I will discuss with psychologist on Thursday. Hubby is much more a practical, Black and white sort of guy, whereas I have more of an emotional connection to things. I will discuss where this might be useful vs a total emotional disaster.
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Post by Pedidoc on Wed Apr 18, 2018 8:23 am

I have to agree with M2M. I've known DH since 1983 and there are things I would be uncomfortable sharing in front of him. I think we all have deeply personal things within us that we do not feel the need to share.
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Post by perennialpam on Wed Apr 18, 2018 8:55 am

Mingling in others is difficult. Go with your heart and do not be pressured into making this decision.
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Post by Narrowminded on Wed Apr 18, 2018 6:32 pm

I have to agree with the others. Been with DH since 1980, and there are things I would not be comfortable with either. However, maybe that’s the whole point. Maybe the therapist things you need to get those out there?

Follow your heart as other have said.
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Post by marcadav on Wed Apr 18, 2018 7:22 pm

Did the case manager say why she thought having hubby come to a session was a good idea?

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Post by Greensprout on Wed Apr 18, 2018 9:02 pm

Just that it has been helpful for some others with helping spouse deal with my issues. Still unconvinced. Will discuss tomorrow.
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Post by Pedidoc on Thu Apr 19, 2018 8:29 am

Greensprout wrote:Just that it has been helpful for some others with helping spouse deal with my issues.  Still unconvinced.  Will discuss tomorrow.

Considering DH is retired military, I would think he has a good idea of what the "issues" are.
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Post by tomi1000 on Thu Apr 19, 2018 2:03 pm

maybe asking DH how he feels about taking part in a session would help you decide??
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