Every day remains a wandering road

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Post by Pebbles67 on Tue Feb 06, 2018 2:40 pm

One Day at a Time Indeed. Sending you prayers and positive thoughts.
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Post by Greensprout on Tue Feb 06, 2018 10:47 pm

Thanks, Pebbles, appreciated. In a bit of limbo, mood relatively flat, carrying on with necessary stuff. 3 workdays left before vacation. Starting to think about packing, finally tonight hand washed bathing suits and coverups from last holiday in Nov. some deliverables at work to get through this week, should manage to get through.

Been back in the deep freeze the last 2 weeks, slightly less so today, supposed to warm up as we leave on Monday, but don’t care, as we’ll have Caribbean weather very soon.
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Post by perennialpam on Wed Feb 07, 2018 6:37 am

Try to have fun prepping for your upcoming Caribbean vacation....envision a lovely picture of beautiful weather and beaches. I am glad you get to do this.

I have never been and am envious.

Yea for workday count downs....
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Post by Lovebird on Wed Feb 07, 2018 6:45 am

perennialpam wrote:Try to have fun prepping for your upcoming Caribbean vacation....envision a lovely picture of beautiful weather and beaches.  I am glad you get to do this.  

I have never been and am envious.  

Yea for workday count downs....

Ditto. sunny
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Post by Narrowminded on Wed Feb 07, 2018 8:24 am

Do enjoy GS.
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Post by Pedidoc on Wed Feb 07, 2018 9:04 am

In a bit of limbo, mood relatively flat, carrying on with necessary stuff.

But, you are carrying on which is impressive. I think you need to start a daily journal where you can only write down positive things that happen each day. I really want you to see that you are improving. I can see that based on your posts here.

Okay enough assigning "homework" enjoy packing and anticipating the cruise.
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Post by Greensprout on Thu Feb 08, 2018 9:29 pm

Pedi, I’m trying. Even my psychologist today said she sees a shift in things. I think its more about reframing things, accepting where I am right now and not comparing what I currently can do with where I was before crap ran downhill. Working at not beating myself up an wallowing about what “should be”. This is the current me and I’m working on it.

Psychiatrist appt yesterday presented more potential courses of action. Focus on changing only one thing at a time. He has recommended to my GP more investigations such as repeat thyroid labs, autoimmune factors, and a holster monitor. Keeping new med venlafaxine at current dose while I go on holiday, but increase dose for a week before I see him again. Added clonazepam as a longer acting benzo anxiolytic to replace some of the Ativan doses. Plan is to try it out while away and try to find a decent balance. Clearly I’ll need to balance alcohol consumption on the cruise, have told hubby all this so he can monitor for any potential issues that I might not see.

Busy day, will be again tomorrow to address things that cant wait 2 weeks. Wasted 3 hours in a teleconference this am that didn’t even get to my involvement as senior officers argued points, so need to be in early again tomorrow to get to what I need to participate in. Ugh.

Ah well, means forced early bed, which is a good thing. Then weekend to pack, stock food for son #2 (he’s supposed to have me a grocery list by tomorrow evening), and get into vacation mode.
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Post by Pedidoc on Thu Feb 08, 2018 9:36 pm

Glad your psychologist sees it too.

I'm happy you are reframing things. Remember just because this is your new normal now, does not mean it will always be.

Why is it works is always hectic right before a vaca?

1 more day - you can do it!
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Post by Heuristicfireflower on Fri Feb 09, 2018 4:09 am

Greensprout wrote:Pedi, I’m trying.  Even my psychologist today said she sees a shift in things.  I think its more about reframing things, accepting where I am right now and not comparing what I currently can do with where I was before crap ran downhill.  Working at not beating myself up an wallowing about what “should be”.  This is the current me and I’m working on it.
Wise words from your psych. Never lose hope.
It IS one day at a time.  Staying in the present moment, on the tasks you do, one focus at a time.  Helps me when I feel overwhelmed or have too many conflicting thoughts on my mind.  You are doing it.  You are moving through and eventually you will be on the other side.
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Post by Narrowminded on Fri Feb 09, 2018 5:10 pm

GS you are doing awesome. You are not alone at one day at a time. With my life many times it’s one hour or even one minute at a time. Your got this, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Hugs
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Post by Greensprout on Fri Feb 09, 2018 7:44 pm

Am actually feeling a bit better the last 2 days. Have taken the clonazepam when I wake in the early hours (3-5am) which, being longer acting has ended up with feeling less panicked and anxious when I get up. Interesting. Did discuss with psychiatrist concerns about meds and potential dependence, he says priority for now is getting out of the cycle of being in a bad place, and if we need to deal with that later, we can. Am heeding his advice.

Reasonably productive the last 2 days at work, got priority things dealt with or delegated while I’m away for 2 weeks. Feeling ok about that.

Have referral in to the OSI chronic pain management group, apparently next intake is in March, which works well with my schedule.

I’m now on leave! Weekend for packing, in the midst of online grocery order to stock up for son #2 and GF, have a few things to get for me, and a pedicure. Depart early Monday am, 2 days to relax in Ft Lauderdale, board ship on Wednesday. Feeling positive, mostly.
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Post by Pedidoc on Fri Feb 09, 2018 9:38 pm

You will have a fantastic time.
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Post by perennialpam on Sat Feb 10, 2018 5:16 am

Wonderful news GS. Have a great time on your trip.
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Post by Greensprout on Sat Feb 10, 2018 7:27 pm

Slept for 10 hours till hubby woke me up. Feeling not bad.

Errands done, picking up odds and ends for the trip, exchanged new gloves purchased last weekend, bought 2 new bikinis to take. Picked up big grocery order to stock up on staples for son #2 and GF.

Still need to start dinner, bacon wrapped pork tenderloin with roasted veg. Think I’ll start working through toiletries packing tonight, that takes me the longest. Clothes shouldn’t take that long tomorrow, much of the same things I used for Mexico, and I am a couple of pounds down since then.
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Post by Narrowminded on Sat Feb 10, 2018 8:29 pm

GS you are sounding wonderful. Enjoy your vacation.
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Post by Greensprout on Sat Feb 10, 2018 9:12 pm

Thanks, NM. Not quite sure wonderful is the correct word, but a tad better. May not get to the toiletry pack tonight, might be better to aim for early bed and start fresh and early tomorrow. Taxi coming AT 0415 monday, so don’t to leave things to last minute and get minimal sleep like last trip, which led to an anxiety attack on the first flight leg. Only one errand outstanding for tomorrow, which I have delegated to hubby. Will make AltShift lasagne Chili, so son has plenty of leftovers. Plan is bed tonight between 10-11. Early for weekend for me.
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Post by Pedidoc on Sat Feb 10, 2018 10:21 pm

You do have a more positive "sound" to your last couple of posts.

I love that you exchanged gloves for 2 bikinis!

Pack in the morning.....
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Post by perennialpam on Sun Feb 11, 2018 7:29 am

Bikinis.... never was small enough to wear one and definately too old now. Haha

Have a wonderful time away.... soak up the sun and float in the water if you have the opportunity.

Ah....vacations.

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Post by Pedidoc on Sun Feb 11, 2018 10:55 am

perennialpam wrote:Bikinis.... never was small enough to wear one and definately too old now.  Haha

Have a wonderful time away....  soak up the sun and float in the water if you have the opportunity.  

Ah....vacations.    


I have not worn one since I've had kids, but too old - Helen Miren wears one and she is 72.
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Post by Narrowminded on Sun Feb 11, 2018 6:16 pm

No bikinis sinceros late teen years here either. So happy you can

Enjoy
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Post by Pedidoc on Sun Feb 11, 2018 7:58 pm

I hope the day and packing went well.
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Post by Greensprout on Sun Feb 11, 2018 10:21 pm

Yup! Pedicure done, packing complete (aside from last minute morning bits to toss in bags, instructions left for son #2. To bed shortly, as taxi comes at 415am for a 6 am flight. 90 min or so in Toronto, then 2 nights on the beach in Ft Lauderdale before boarding on Valentine’s Day. Last time we stayed at this hotel pre cruise, they had absolutely amazing pork belly tacos on corn tortillas. Hope they still are on the menu!

Btw, the new bikinis are a bit more high waisted, which looks much better than a skimpy one for now. I quite like them.

Thanks all for the recent support and encouragement. It means a lot.

Likely will check in from Florida.
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Post by Pedidoc on Sun Feb 11, 2018 10:45 pm

Have some pork belly for me!
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Post by Lovebird on Mon Feb 12, 2018 1:53 am

Greensprout wrote:
Btw, the new bikinis are a bit more high waisted, which looks much better than a skimpy one for now.  I quite like them.

+1 There are all kinds of bikinis and I don't think age or even a few pounds extra should stop a female from wearing one if she wants to.

Have a great holiday Greensprout! Hubby as well. Soak up some sun for us too. Wink

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Post by tomi1000 on Mon Feb 12, 2018 3:06 am

Have a wonderful trip! I love those Caribbean cruises! You sound like you're in a good place - the right place for right now. Wink I'm envious of the bikini wearing too............ my last one was 1983. so sad. Wear them proudly for all of us!
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