HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by tomi1000 on Mon Jul 09, 2018 1:45 pm

Wow - the piece on grief was very powerful. We all experience it as grief can be found in all aspects of life. Thank you for sharing.
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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by The Walrus on Mon Jul 09, 2018 7:05 pm

Thank you for sharing your experience, and also for sharing Gilbert's writing - lots of wisdom there.
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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by Meant2Move on Mon Jul 09, 2018 7:27 pm

It is so good to hear from you, to know you keep moving forward. You are strong, you will get there. Keep walking and doing what you know to be good for you.
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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by Lovebird on Sat Sep 29, 2018 12:10 pm



*hugs*
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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by Heuristicfireflower on Mon Oct 01, 2018 6:13 pm

Thanks LB,  I'm still hanging in there.

So far my life is still in flux.    I'm concerned enough with my body/mind's responses to stress that I'm getting support from 2 doctors to keep me level.  This stress is not going to go until I resolve my current situation.

My mom's still well, but, I'm quite tired of dealing with a 6 year old.   She's good 90% of the time.  My biggest biggest problem with her is I can't get her to understand that she MUST use incontinence pads at all times. What's incredibly frustrating is she never remembers our discussions on why pads help avoid urine on the floor.  I love her and worry about her, but, damn, do I need a break.  A BIG one.  

The worst of my concerns though, is we've had to deal with a dangerous "homeless" encampment for 7 years.  The cops have known about this in that time span and the councilman has been hearing about it for 5 of those.  They live not more than 600 feet from my front lawn.  They refuse to live respectfully with this block, they refuse to get help for their addictions.  There is no recourse for these residential neighborhoods impacted  by these squatters rows.  It's all a game of misdirection to shut us up. The current city of Los Angeles "leaders" have dropped the ball and are unwilling to pick it up.  NO enforcement of chronic safety or health violations in my district because the city is avoiding more (badly defined) lawsuits.  We've had a shootout under that bridge in August and a stabbing 2 weeks ago. Venice our neighboring city is dealing with the worst of these homeless/drug encampments in our district.  Why can't the lawbreakers be held accountable?  We know who they are, we know where they live, but, the city does nothing, lets them expand their squalor and use our properties as toilets.

I lost all motivation to fix our home.  I'm becoming lax on tending the garden when that was such a peaceful activity.   It makes me sad to see my plants bent over, lack of water, but, I am so tired.  I'm in a sort of depression because I feel trapped.   It's common to see a lot of unusual behavior and loitering of people who DO NOT live here.  

One night before my walk I saw a car with lights on idling just 2 houses down near this encampment and at same time a guy walking a bike on the sidewalk (can't say it's his, many are stolen in this area and chopped up for illegal trade) towards this car.  Bike guy stopped a few feet in front of car and….just stood there.  Car guy continues to idle with lights on.  They had both seen me, they're across my house.  I decided to just stay put, pulled out my phone and just leaned against my car.  Both "visitors" stayed motionless.  Weird. After about 10 minutes, driver pulled out and punched it up the hill.   Bike guy began walking slowly up hill.   What was that about!?

We're overrun with drug addicts and unstable transients.  I'm washing my car on the driveway and I see some vehicle (always different ones) drive up near the corner, turn off lights, wait for a transient to come and exchange something, then driver leaves.  I've seen raggedy homeless people get into late model cars, transient gets out and walks back to the encampment. These are drug sales.

It's now the norm to hear this unstable women park herself across from my house and start screaming at the top of her lungs all kinds of obscenities and angrily having an argument with an unseen foe while scattering all her junk on the street.  Days later, another fool, high on who knows what, sprawls in the carports talking to himself and wanders drunkenly, 1/2 naked through the alley.  People have reported hypes passing out on their steps. Needles appear in the alley, on steps, thrown in yards.  I've inadvertently picked up a bag of human feces next to my property. This is now the norm on my block!  I hate this city sometimes.  I walk through neighborhoods in other parts of my district that are so peaceful and feel so safe it makes me cry to go back to my slowly sickening area.  The police can only do so much with the shitty policies in place. But, enforcement is one we cry out for loudly and still we have to step over bio-hazards near our homes.

On reading how the incompetent politicians  of California are not upholding the security of the citizens who pay them.  In every city it's been allowed to become a chronic problem, I've lost hope.  Have begun mental and physical efforts to plan a move out of here.  I grew up in this house and am angry to be forced to leave because my and my mom's safety have been compromised.  And still I know it hasn't gotten as bad as it could, yet.   I still have time to prepare.  I think the time has come to find refuge before it's too late.

Unfortunately, I always feel my life is damage control rather than progress towards a tranquil future.
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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by Narrowminded on Mon Oct 01, 2018 8:21 pm

HFF I feel so much for you. Dealing with dementia is not an easy feat. I face the same with my Dad. I hated that we had to put both he and my mom in LTC, but with my Huband I can’t do both. I’m not suggesting you put mom anywhere. Where this is headed is me having to go back on Celexa for a bit. It really does help the caregiver. Some are on Zoloft or something else, but most caregivers in the ALS community use something now and again. Might help you cope with what you have to deal with.

As to the living conditions, I do think you are right and should look to get yourself and your mom to some place safer. I know you hate to leave your family home, but safety first, and since the city won’t help, you’ll have to do it yourself. Sad state of affairs.

Please know my thoughts are with you. Hugs
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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by perennialpam on Tue Oct 02, 2018 4:41 am

I agree with you about starting the moving process before selling your home is not a possibility.  Sorry you need to leave the family home and that you are so alone in the care of your mother.  

Take care.
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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by Rig D on Tue Oct 02, 2018 8:06 am

+1. Give a lot of thought to where you might go should you move. The political situation throughout much of California with the welcome mat out to whoever shows up and failure to enforce civil law would really encourage me to look at a move outside the state.

Do you have any citizen backed "opposition" candidates to your city officers that you could get behind for a more law & order approach. May be too late this election cycle, but I'd think there would be many like you who are having the same experiences.
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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by tomi1000 on Tue Oct 02, 2018 1:15 pm

I am so sorry you must deal with this stress in your life. The homeless camps are taking over every city. I'm in Oregon and Portland is cesspool. Mentally unstable people and druggies make up the bulk of it. I live south of Portland and right next to a community park. The neighborhood stays on high alert to park squatters and the police in our town are quick to respond to calls. We had an camp moving in a few years back that cost the city millions of dollars to remove and clean up - so they are being very good at not allowing it to get out of hand again. Over the weekend a car was parked over night at the park, the police were called and responded quickly. The driver of the car was a woman who looked at if meth was eating her alive. She had several warrants on her and the police took her in handcuffs. This is a very quiet upscale area of town and there is no way we are going to allow it to be overrun with vagrants and druggies.

I so hope you can find a buyer for your home and move to a safer place very soon.
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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by Vh67 on Tue Oct 02, 2018 6:22 pm

I am sorry to hear things are so bad in your neighborhood. It seems like now is the perfect time to pack up and sell. There are so many wonderful places that are so much more affordable than California. Plus with how much you love to garden, it would be nice to live somewhere with more rain.

It was really hard to leave California after living there for 48 years but I am so glad I did! The cost of living in most places is so much better and i love not having to constantly water.
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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by Meant2Move on Wed Oct 03, 2018 5:10 pm

It certainly sounds as if things are getting much worse in your neighborhood. That is a terrible shame and a huge worry in terms of safety for you, your mom, and you neighbors. Glad you are reaching out for support. Take care as best you can.
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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by Lovebird on Thu Oct 04, 2018 6:30 am

^ What they said, all of them.

((HUGS))

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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by Heuristicfireflower on Mon Oct 22, 2018 4:39 am

I'm steeling up as I work towards a way out.   I have to vent…..I'm pretty disheartened with how Los Angeles has been allowed to become a cesspool of drug based encampments on every public city property.   The rat infestations are growing around my block from the trash base next to the homeless squatters under the freeway.   I have to pay for a rat control service. We have a typhus outbreak in downtown Skid Row. Previously hepatitis. Some experts are predicting the next epidemic will be human to human typhus (not rat flea to human) and it's kin the Plague with these encampments as the vectors.

This is the dump Garcetti and his dirty cronies have created.  None in this City Hall will standup to the ACLU and challenge the ridiculous edicts the courts have put in place to protect the dirge of addicts, meth head thieves and prostitutes in these nasty filthy drug dealing encampments, particularly the one not 600 feet from my door.   Things I would certainly be arrested for, these transients get away with because they are "homeless".   Garcetti turns a blind eye because he doesn't want to cast a shadow on his presidential bid.  Residents have no rights and cannot even demand clean surroundings because some asshole lawyer will sue for constitutional right infringements on the guy taking a shit on the sidewalk.  And I'm serious about that.  A lawyer will say they have a right to take a shit on public street if no reasonable toilet is near-by.  Doesn't matter that there are gas stations or a park 4 blocks awe.  That would mean these tools would have to get up and walk over there so instead they pull their pants down behind and in front of our homes.  They are allowed to get away with so many offenses on the books and continue to grow meaner and bolder.  The city will not enforce the codes.   They have a right to put their damn tent on private property unless you specifically put up a sign that says no trespassing otherwise cops won't want to move the &*.  for fear of legal entanglements.  Cops know they are stealing bikes but do nothing.  On Venice Beach there is always a bike chop shop in broad daylight on the boardwalk, but cant prove those bikes are stolen so they let them be.  These fu%^kers can assault you, curse at you, throw their urine filled bottles and cans at you and still they remain immune to consequences.  They will not get arrested.  

They have been given more rights than we have.   These horrible addict transients are grouped under the vast homeless  " helpless" umbrella of down and outs and the district reps use this to quell and paint concerned residents as heartless and a block to reason and progress.  The drug users are a seriously dangerous problem.  The damn district mouthpieces refuse to call on enforcement of nuisance laws and have skirted the question as to why at EVERY meeting.   Now these same reps are pushing to put these "temporary" transitional shelters IN residential neighborhoods.    The city has absolutely shown it will not expend on cleaning up the filth these encampments produce.  City sanitation is rare, only after many local calls and emails to the district rep.  Needles, human feces appear in our alleys and across from our houses and they think we should believe that they will suddenly step up and protect the neighborhood, keep it clean from mentally unstable drug users once a transitional shelter is in place?!   And it's going to be temporary??!  No way.  These corrupt politicos have an agenda with the developers, but, not clear what it is. I don't know how the homeless issue is tied in with making money, but, there is connection.  Many of these agencies set up to "help" the homeless are just sucking in the state allotted funds.  They are often private ventures that do or pretend to do the bare minimum.  Many do not abide by contract with the neighborhoods they work in to keep the alleys  / streets clean.  They are obligated to hire bio-hazard cleanup crews and do not.   They, simply,  allow their "clients" to  use people's cars and laundry rooms for toilets.  What they DO do is give them toilet paper.  

I'll be damned if I let anyone use my property as a toilet.  

The next step is an environmental impact lawsuit which some folks are discussing.   I am sick with how little power we really have when it comes to our security and these f&^ing politicians.   I'm too tired and stressed to look up this stuff.  I hate where this is going.  I want out, but, don't know where to go…….
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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by Annieh on Mon Oct 22, 2018 4:55 am

So sorry for your situation. It is disgusting. I don't know what else to say, but I hope you find a solution for yourself.
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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by Pedidoc on Mon Oct 22, 2018 6:01 am

^ what Annieh said.
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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by Rig D on Mon Oct 22, 2018 7:12 am

I really feel for your tough situation. It is truly a scary thought that California and LA have been for my life the trendsetter of what is to come throughout the country.

The LA situation should be a clarion call for every voter in the USA to take a long, hard look at the people running for office and assess carefully where they stand.
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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by Narrowminded on Mon Oct 22, 2018 9:05 am

+1 Rig

HFF - Job or no job, your safety and that of your Mom are paramount. I say, get that house up for sale now, get what you can out of it and move out of Cali. The longer you wait, the harder it will be as the situation will just get worse.

My suggestion is move further East. I know it’s not your ideal and you don’t have to go as far as the coast, but I’d get a few states away, at least. Look for somewhere where the politicians still give a hoot and laws are upheld.

My prayers are with you. Hugs
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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by tomi1000 on Mon Oct 22, 2018 1:04 pm

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. The homeless epidemic is really awful everywhere, but more so along the coastlines. The city governments are unclear how to handle all that comes with this growing problem. I hope you can get out of there soon.
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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by Heuristicfireflower on Mon Oct 22, 2018 7:00 pm

Thank you everyone for your support.  I absolutely do appreciate it. It adds to my strength.  I tried not to rant on, but, I've been stressed about it for some time.  7 years to be exact.  I thought that people's concerns and voices really mattered.  It doesn't.  It's ALL damage control.  

I love my home.  Quiet most of the time, but, my block will soon turn to shit if the course the city has not taken continues.  Most of of the area is still beautiful and tranquil west of the boulevard.  
Venice is hit had with the awful direction of these asshole in charge and unfortunately this gross neglect is bleeding into our area.   I've lived in this house my entire life.  I care for my neighbors.  I've had to face the sense of loss and it's painful, but, I've let it drain out when it presents itself.  I don't dam it up.  Often, I stand in the middle of the yard and cannot stop weeping.  I see the orange tree my father planted and it hurts to think I may have to leave it behind.  It pisses me off.  I walk through the neighborhood just west of my block and have tears in my eyes.  This part, young mothers in stroller walk in the evenings, older folks walk their dogs, people jog late into the evening.  This is just less than 1/4 mile!  I love this area.  I long to live in that part.  I realize what I am going through is grieving.  Letting go as the reality comes through that I may have to leave the Westside.   My walks are all about that whether I'm conscious of it or not.  

I realize many people have done this many times,  They pop off and find a new home.  I know I can do it.  But, I've NEVER had to uproot before.  My mind needs to organize / coordinate and my emotions need time to get used to the idea.   I think it's also fear of the unknown.   What I want and what I may get may be jarringly different.  I'm scared of taking the lead on this and falling into a worst situation.... mind chatter.   Anxiety is  the  misuse of imagination.   :/

Thanks RigD  Yes.  Failure to enforce civil law will have the most detrimental effect on the health of the populace.   I have looked at Washington and love what I see, but, no jobs out there for me.  I am soon entering an entertainment concept designer career.  My entire training and skill set is in this industry. The hub for what I do is here.    I am looking at other areas that have much better public welfare handling.  I hate having the choice be the lesser of two evils…..  To me that isn't a choice.

Thanks Tomi,   Oh yes,  you know how it can be ad thank goodness you and your neighbors are united!  We kinda are too, esp, those affected most as I am.   We don't let the local police division forget.  Wth!  To have to listen to some women screaming at the top of her longs for hours, cursing her unseen provoker!   Scattered clothing and junk on the sidewalk and street…..  I've had enough.     They have solutions, other states do and they handle it.   They handle the mental cases and give no sanitary to drug addicts that refuse help.  And other areas definitely do not coddle law breakers.  Civic laws are enforced.  They clean up or they go.  Here it's fear of lawsuits that tie up the nuisance laws and the hands of our police force.  It's politics and not wanting to cast a shadow on potential candidates for office so these grifters sit on their asses till they can move onto the next higher seat.   It's disgusting to see.

VH7   Wow, 48 years.  I cannot imagine quite, yet, how hard it will be for me.  If I only knew where that wonderful spot is it would be easier.  I am looking.  I think I may have to consider the suburbs farther out into the boonies and deal with traffic into L.A.   My orchids and cactus are a big concern.  They are what keeps me sane and I will not give them up.  Sigh.  So my work is cut out for me to find a place I can grow them as well as I do now.  
When I lost my 1st car, I was devastated.  My purple baby with the purring racer engine.   2nd collision and it was wrecked beyond repair, but, it's engine remained intact.  Heartbreaking that I could;t give it a 3rd life.  I cried when I sold it and saw it towed away.   aaahh.   2nd car purchase  faded 1st car from memory fast.  I found a new love on wheels.  I can see if better than the last it won't be so hard.  I hold onto that knowledge and feel it may well be the same changing my house.  I pray that it becomes a reality.

NM  Thank you. I hear you.  I know you understand about strength and thank you for being the strong lady you are.  You are a great example of handling it.  
I am moving as fast as I can, SO many things and I'm trying not to overwhelm myself which so easily happens.  That's when I open up the valves and release the waterworks.  I pray and am learning to leave a lot to God on this situaiton while I prepare for a move and a job.   I believe he can see where I should be and will let me know when the time is right.

Thanks for the hugs LB!!!
Thanks PPam, I am preparing in increments, but, always moving forward...
M2M, Thank you. I know I have strength in here and I am calling it up. I will keep moving forward through it all.
Thanks Annie,    I am starting to be hopeful that it will work out once I put my mind and prayers to it.
Pedidoc,   "Do or do not.  There is no try." Yoda     Yes!
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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by The Walrus on Mon Oct 22, 2018 7:38 pm

So sorry to hear what you are going through, and praying for the best outcome. So hard! I too lived in California for many years, and although I loved it, it is not the place it once was. I lived in Manhattan Beach when it was a funky surfer hangout, lots of old falling down beach shacks. Those were the days! But after a few stops in other places, I have found my true paradise down under in Australia. And that can happen for you too! Although I wish your neighbourhood would turn back into the peaceful area it was and you can stay put. That would be the best!
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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by Pedidoc on Mon Oct 22, 2018 9:30 pm

You would fit in Texas just fine.  Look along the coast, you may find something that strikes a cord.
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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by Narrowminded on Tue Oct 23, 2018 9:39 am

My prayers continue for you. I know you’ll know, just don’t miss the sign. I can’t imagine how hard it is to leave the home you grew up in.

We moved from a place we absolutely loved, with the most incredible neighbors to better accommodate DH. I really miss that place, but this place became home quickly.

Hugs
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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by Heuristicfireflower on Tue Nov 06, 2018 12:59 am

Today is the 2nd day I can walk straight.  Apparently tore a muscle near sacrum and oh how annoyingly disruptive that was.  Missed 3 days of work and a night of class.  Low back constriction forced me to walk with hip was offset towards the left to avoid pressing on the muscle on the right..  After 3 days of this my hip / leg joint started to protest.    After lots of questions and research I have an unstable spine - I'm sure brought out by a couple of years of awful sitting posture.  The final insult was working on a laptop using a TV dinner table and a very soft low couch to sit on.  Lots of months of this and ever tightening muscles to hold spine in some alignment set up the final straw - Bending over at an angle to raise toilet seat.  The worst thing I could've done was stretch my back and apply traction when I went to bed.   Siiiigh, bad idea.
today I'm back to normal which means the usual aches and pains I'm so used to.  Chiropractor says I just have very weak muscles not working contributing to core and others over-stressed trying to hold my spine in place.  It's the kind of thing that stretching really won't address.  I having incredibly tight myofascial tissue and rock hard knots all over neck and back.  

In a few weeks I'm going to begin Pilates classes and stay with it for at least 3 -4 months.  Need to strengthen core.  What don't get is I've done gym workouts before for years.  My mom has never toned her muscles and she doesn't have chronic aches , yet, I do.  I thought a once exercised muscle would be less prone to chronic soreness and tightness.   I'm also very sure the trauma /stress from years ago began this whole cycle that I can't get out of on my own.

Currently sit in a hard dining chair with pillows taking up extra space at back of chair until I find a better set up.  Mid back like clockwork starts up and begins to bind and hurt after 1/2 hour.
I'm wondering if sitting in new straighter position, back is simply not used to it and needs a period of adjustment to hold me up.  I'm hoping that's it.
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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by Narrowminded on Tue Nov 06, 2018 9:31 am

So sorry to hear of your back troubles. I have had them, and they are not fun.

I’m hoping the Pilates class will help, but 3-4 months may not be enough. It takes a while. Keep at it and your body will be better for it.
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Re: HeuristicFireFlower's Reach for Highest Potential

Post by tomi1000 on Tue Nov 06, 2018 1:13 pm

back pain is the worst! I hope you're feeling better soon.
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