AutumnTiger starting over

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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Narrowminded on Fri Jan 26, 2018 5:35 pm

AT so sorry it’s been a rough week. Those kind bother me. It used to happen with DH all the time.

Good luck getting things sorted tomorrow
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by AutumnTiger on Fri Jan 26, 2018 5:53 pm

Bless you NM, with all your days so hard.
I'm just venting. Guess I cant believe January is almost over and I still dont have a good routine.
Almost fully well. But still sounding very nasal.
Still focusing on sleep.
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by AutumnTiger on Sat Jan 27, 2018 6:27 am

Awoke relatively early so decided to get up and at 'em seeing as I had work to do. Completed that successfully by 11am, and am now sitting back in bed enjoying some quiet time.

My sleep log shows that of the eight hours I was technically asleep I got 7h 22m of sleep and showed 38 restless/awake minutes.
I sometimes look at the new sleep log functions in Fitbit and think I preferred it the old way - well, when it comes to awake times anyway, but I do like to see my light, deep and REM sleep details.

I'm averaging over 7h per night of sleep at the moment, which is as good as it has been this year so far. I would like to see that number continue to rise and aim to keep working at getting to bed in time to enable that to happen. My success marker at the moment is 8h plus in bed with over 7h logged as asleep.

Continuing to feel better and more recovered from my colds.
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Stoicism, thinking and meditation

Post by AutumnTiger on Sat Jan 27, 2018 6:43 am

So, since last year, well actually the end of 2016 I had wanted a particular book on Stoicism. When it didn't arrive for Christmas 2016 I kind of parked the idea and it didn't really bother me, but slowly as 2017 progressed it came back to mind. It went back on the Christmas list but in early- mid December it became obvious it was not going to materialise. So, I ordered it for myself. It arrived in the midst of the preparation chaos, and due to its format - one teaching per day, I saved it and began in the New Year.
I have to say I am really enjoying it, and particularly the format of one meditation/thought per day. Each month has a theme, too. I would still like to read the original works from which the thoughts are taken, but this is a great introduction.

A lot of the readings also make me think about my approach to thinking. I would love to study how to think, which may be a discipline called critical thinking, but I am not entirely sure. I have met a couple of people previously in life who have been trained how to organise their thoughts and it seems such a wonderful skill. Maybe I will get the opportunity to investigate more sometime soon, or maybe later this year. Although I probably need the help sooner rather than later with all my current debating over "stay put and smell the roses" in my current job versus "get out there and do something worthwhile" that is tugging at my heartstrings. Not to mention, the as-yet not documented here, potential 2018 project.

Finally, I have picked up the Jon Gabriel night-time meditation CD again. Whenever I travel I always have the Paul McKenna one with me just in case I can't sleep or need a timeout. But recently I have been thinking more about the themes and wording of the Jon Gabriel one, which focuses more on body imaging and eating habits, as opposed to the Paul McKenna one which is more about general productivity.

Anyway, just putting this on file.
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The project

Post by AutumnTiger on Sat Jan 27, 2018 7:20 am

Finally got a few minutes to explain ...

So, I have talked about my mum's house before. But to recap, and bring happenings up to date ... here goes.

Sometime, mid-2016 I believe, I got a call from my mum asking/telling me that she was selling our family home and that I had a relatively short amount of time to ensure I had collected any and all of my stuff that still might be there. DH and I scrambled to attention and got up there over a couple of weekends and got things sorted as best we could.
The house had been empty for some time as mum now lives with my grandma as her carer.
Also, following my getting my own house in 2000 and then moving away in 2005, and mum's own failed attempt to go to uni and get a better career followed by her own failing health (a series of colds, voice loss, and eventually being forced out of her job and then never securing another one) with me no longer there to help she lost the will to fight and started hoarding and let the house deteriorate. We'd never have the money for big maintenance items but until the failed attempt at bettering herself mum had always kept the house spic-and-span with a ruthless cleaning regime.

So, by the time we went up there to move my remaining stuff, the house was in a terrible state internally, and to top it off had a leaking attic window. We were happy that she had found a buyer and while I had always dreamed of restoring the house to even its former "glory" (which isn't much by modern standards), not to mention the joke that it was my inheritance, I was happy that the millstone that it was in its current condition would not be my problem.

However, time went by and the sale did not materialise. Forward 12 months and while getting some work done on my grandma's house mum talks to the builder about her own house. A deal is struck and the chap moves in to mum's house with an agreement that he will work on the house in lieu of rent.
However, it all goes horribly wrong when it turns out the chap is claiming housing benefit against the rent that he's told them he is paying my mum.
So, she finally got him evicted a couple of months ago.

At some point in the middle of last year, when I applied for that PhD in the nearby city to my mum's we had talked about my perhaps living in the old house. Since that did not come off, but I knew mum was having trouble with the builder chap, DH and I had begun talking about what to do. After all, it is unlikely mum will ever move back there and unless she sells it, then at some point it will come to me, and DH and I will be faced with sorting it out.
We mentioned during one of our long drives to away hockey games over Christmas whether or not we could afford to buy it off mum and/or go in to partnership with us paying towards doing it up and then either selling it or renting it out.
So when the chance came to go up to mum's last week, despite not really having decided on anything in particular I decided to float the idea.
Mum was receptive but said I would need to see the house for myself first.

So the builder has done some work to the house, some of it good and useful, like fixing the roof light and putting in a new bathroom suite, but some of it not at all in collaboration with mum's wishes. The main f*ck up, in her eyes and mine, is the installation of two stud partition walls in the kitchen, which block a lot of light and create a "corridor" through a room that used to be a lovely open plan kitchen diner. I vowed that it was coming out if we took it on. But DH is mostly keen on it and pointed out that as stud walls are fixed in to the ceiling it would be fairly costly in time and money to undo it.

Now we have think about whether or not we want to proceed with our initial idea.

And I am having second thoughts!

Not because of the work of the project itself but because it would mean time away from DH, his new role is not as flexible as it was so I would probably end up doing a lot of the work alone.

Also, I finally have my wish granted about working from home, and I am looking forward to the summer months working in my dining room with the patio doors open and being able to wander in to the garden. Depending on how we decide to do the project, and assuming work agree to a more remote location than when they originally agreed to my home-working, then I would be based there (most of the time).

Another fly in the ointment is B. Either leaving him alone over night, which we have not yet started to do. And/or his commitments to his weekend activities.

Lots to take in to account. Its been spinning round in my head all week, but DH have yet to sit down and start to discuss whether it will work.

Finally, we have the financials to consider. What is the end point? What would we get out of it? Would it be enough to say get us on the mortgage ladder, or allow us to raise a deposit for our own house.

Lots to think and talk about!
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Pedidoc on Sat Jan 27, 2018 10:33 am

Lots of things to be juggling AT. I know when I've got many things I'm mulling over it helps first to make a list and prioritize it and second when I'm not sure about something (your mom's house, staying at current job or not) I take out a sheet of paper, draw a line down the middle and start a pro and con list. I free think and anything I think of even if it is small or even silly gets written down. It helps me organize my thoughts and then I can write down potential solutions. I can then have a rationale conversation with DH, my employer, or whomever I need to. Just a thought, use if you think it might help.


Last edited by Pedidoc on Sat Jan 27, 2018 1:03 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Meant2Move on Sat Jan 27, 2018 12:31 pm

I too do better when I get my thoughts - any and everything! on paper. I find it easier to sort what's rational from what's emotional. Not that emotions don't count, but I find mine tend to have excessive sway while in my head, but less import when on paper. I can see them for what they are - just thoughts, no more or less valid than others.

If you relationship is strong and the communication good, time apart with a plan behind it likely won't do any harm. If that is not the case, separate living can be a problem. It is an important consideration to factor in along with everything else.
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by AutumnTiger on Sat Jan 27, 2018 1:43 pm

Thank you ladies for your thoughts and experiences.
DH and I found time today to go over some of our thoughts and that has helped a lot.

Our relationship is strong enough such that the worries are more about us missing each other and being torn between taking an opportunity that could really help our future and the risk that time is short and anything can happen - we have lost too many peers too young not to think about that!

Today's chat has settled my mind that we will start the ball rolling.
We are thinking of a timescale that will allow us downtime and that neither of us will spend extensive time on the project alone.
Lots and lots of details to flesh out but we have agreed a lot of the boundaries that were worrying me. The biggest fear allayed is that neither of us will live or work from the house except on rare occasions.
Like I said, enough to start the ball rolling ... starting with a visit in a month's time to clear out all remaining personal belongings = mine, mum's and the builders. We'll clear and tidy up and then get a building survey done.
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by AutumnTiger on Sun Jan 28, 2018 10:05 am

Woohoo! Woohoo! Woohoo!

I am finally feeling human again Smile

I first began to realise while at the hockey last night, where I was behaving like Tigger *before* the game started!

It only got worse when we - currently eleventh out of twelve teams - beat the third placed team; we also beat them convincingly. Scoring five goals is a lot of bouncing!!
AND our netminder had literally only been in the country a few hours having flown in from Europe yesterday morning!

To add to the euphoria I have also just had an hour in the garden wrist deep in mud* - it just doesn't get any better!

*I am waging war on the lily of the valley again. I'm attempting to save anything sprouting that has a bulb at the end by moving them to another area, where at the end of autumn I dug out my least favourite shrub.
Oh, and I am happy to report that the japonica is responding well to the fir tree offcuts. Must remember to feed it more coffee grounds
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Narrowminded on Sun Jan 28, 2018 11:16 am

Wow AT, i missed one day here and so much has happened for you.

Personally I think taking the house and doing what needs done is a good plan. Not sure the distance form where you currently live, but might be a nice future home for you. I’m sure with everything you fix, you mum will see what a blessing it would be for you to eventually own it outright. Could wind up being perfect. Who knows, maybe that dream job is near moms house.

Happy to hear you’re mended as well. Now to stay healthy.

Good luck to you as you move forward with all of your plans.
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by AutumnTiger on Sun Jan 28, 2018 2:15 pm

Thanks, NM. No, no plans to move back to that part of the country. It is about 200 miles away, but with traffic usually about three hours drive. It is a much more affordable part of the country, but neither DH nor myself particularly want to live there!
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by AutumnTiger on Sun Jan 28, 2018 2:31 pm

DH has gone into the office 6pm to 2am on a Sunday night!

The team he now manages is 24/7. Their previous manager had several other teams to manage and they were pretty much left to their own devices. DH has suspicions that the night shift, and the weekend night shift in particular, are not pulling their weight. So he is on reconnaissance to find out exactly what their workload entails. He is also getting training in how to cover some of their work. Not to mention that half the shift is sick/absent and the others are complaining they just can't man the shift with 2 out of 4, but this is not the management understanding!

I am not looking forward to him coming home at 2:30am, but it will be nice to have him at home tomorrow Smile
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by AutumnTiger on Sun Jan 28, 2018 3:38 pm

A thought on saving the MDA journals ...

I have tried and tested saving each whole page as a complete webpage, and it seems to work (from a Chrome browser); it is still going to take some time, but at least I don't have to copy and paste!
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by AutumnTiger on Sun Jan 28, 2018 5:42 pm

Just downloaded all 204 pages of my original journal. Will do the re-start one soon.
Slightly late for bed now, but once I got past page 150 I wasn't stopping!
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by perennialpam on Mon Jan 29, 2018 6:43 am

So glad to have you here. What a dilemma....3 hr. drive is nothing to shrug at.

Good luck with your decision making.
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by AutumnTiger on Mon Jan 29, 2018 8:19 am

Thanks, Pam - its great to be back.

Got about six and half hours sleep last night, helped by resetting my alarm. DH did not particularly disturb me when he came in last night, I knew he was in and went back to sleep, but he's got an attack of gout and ended up having to get up about an hour after coming to bed - that woke me properly. I feel a bit spacey today, but am cracking on with work so I can clock off early, or at least kick back, if needs be later.

It really is good to be back, and its helping me focus. All of which is helped by feeling human again!

As DH might need to break his W30 in order to treat his gout he has just weighed in and has lost an impressive 19lbs in 27 days. He's done really well with compliance, although has not been perfect - He treats it like a weight-loss diet, so his "compliance" is more around that - but he has been far better than me! and I'm really proud of him. He is looking much better for it, too!

It was interesting saving my old journal pages last night as my eyes were gazing over the first post of each page.

I am feeling in a much better position of mental, physical and emotional strength to build on the start I have been making throughout January.

So, to help me, I will start logging food here again and also my actions towards meeting the primal blueprint laws
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by AutumnTiger on Mon Jan 29, 2018 8:40 am

Back to basics - Day 1: 29-Jan-18

3x coffee wwo, one with coconut oil
11am smoked mackerel (not sitting well)
2:30pm Raw cashew bar; its too late for cooked lunch now but I've finally found my appetite
3:25pm spicy pork and some coconut chunks
7pm: two slcies dairy-free cheese
7:30pm Hunters chicken, with new potatoes, carrots & broccoli


PB Laws
1.  Eat lots of plants and animals: check
2.  Avoid poisonous things: milk and coconut sugar
3.  Move frequently at a slow pace: not really, only 3,000 steps
4.  Lift heavy things: bit of shopping, nothing proper
5.  Sprint once in a while: no
6.  Get adequate sleep: average - 6h 25m
7.  Play: yup, phone games
8.  Get adequate sunlight: out of season
9.  Avoid stupid mistakes: I think so
10. Use your brain: coming up - Duolingo


Breakfasts are becoming an issue. I can't seem to eat anything that agrees with me since needing antibiotics over the new year. I can't tolerate the meatloaf, and when I have mackerel I am OK on the first day, but the second portion has to wait, having been opened, and that one usually ends up repeating on me.
I will try eggs and bacon until the end of W30 and then maybe try ham, cheese and fruit like I used to.


Last edited by AutumnTiger on Mon Jan 29, 2018 3:08 pm; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : Adding food / PB entries)
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Annieh on Mon Jan 29, 2018 2:29 pm

Oh, thanks for reminding me of the laws, I cannot usually hold all ten in my head at once, will lift these for my journal too. So glad you are feeling better.
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by AutumnTiger on Mon Jan 29, 2018 3:14 pm

Thanks Annie, not before time.

And just in time too seeing as DH is playing the invalid card with his foot/gout.

Monday is normally shopping day, which is DH's domain, by his choosing. However, as he can't walk I had to go in order to provide dinner. DH drove me there (easier than switching cars on the drive). He also wanted several items supposed to help with the gout. Its amazing how many bits you need to pick up ahead of a week's shopping if you aren't actually doing the weekly shop. The trip took about an hour as it was peak traffic time, and as soon as I got home the oven went on and I cooked, and now I have washed up and it 8:15pm and I am just sitting down!
All on a day when I haven't had the best night's sleep - thank goodness for primal and the even energy supply Smile
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by ONTARIO on Mon Jan 29, 2018 4:23 pm

Good luck in your decision regarding the house. I know that when my inlaws were selling their home we thought about buying it but didn't because of two reasons. One, we knew they would never truly move out all of their stuff and we would be stuck with it or forever at their whim of, "oh, can you bring us over X item, we need it now". And two, we felt like anything we ever did to amend or renovate the house would be an open invitation to their opinion and/or angst at changing the house.

I don't know your mother's personality but just some things to ponder.

I like the idea of growing up in one's childhood home, however. How great to have full understanding and knowledge of the town, the vibe, the area, etc. I think that would be great!

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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Narrowminded on Mon Jan 29, 2018 6:55 pm

AT it sounds like you are off to a splendid start.

Great job with the journal saving for future reads.

Congrats to DH on that fantastic loss. In my book, anything that equates to healthier eating overall is a winner.

Yes, the steady energy is one of my fav parts of Primal
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Meant2Move on Mon Jan 29, 2018 7:38 pm

Outstanding weight loss for DH! So glad you are feeling better and getting back into a good healthy groove.
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by AutumnTiger on Tue Jan 30, 2018 1:15 pm

Had a great productive start to the day, but after my lunchtime walk I had the attention span of a goldfish!
Battled on, with somewhat less productivity than I would like, not helped by an hour of the phone constantly ringing, but I've achieved the minimum I feel comfortable with.

One of the distractions was a conversation with the chap I was going to ask to evaluate my mum's house. He rang me for something else so I took the opportunity to chat with him about my scenario. He is of the opinion that the project would not be worth our time and effort. He believes the market value in an as-is condition will not be significantly more than the when done value, at least not in terms of the cost of us doing the work!
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Pedidoc on Tue Jan 30, 2018 1:22 pm

Well that gives you something else to factor into the equation. It was the same with our home in old city. We sold it as is in an hour and I was thrilled we were not trying to fix it up from 14 hours away.

Curious as to the results of DH's weekend night recon mission?
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Annieh on Tue Jan 30, 2018 2:25 pm

I find apple, cinnamon and cottage cheese is quite a nice breakfast option sometimes.

Or bacon grilled over apple slices (or a banana but that is maybe too many carbs).

One I haven't done for ages is the chocolate banana pancakes - that uses two eggs but doesn't taste eggy.

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