AutumnTiger starting over

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Post by AutumnTiger on Sat Nov 17, 2018 5:14 am

Thank you all for your considered thoughts and shared experiences.

As ever getting out in to the ether and not just mulling round my head helped me see the next step forward.

The answers to the questions were non/no/no; there is no reason other than laziness. Privileges are fairly non existent anyway these days as B is earning some money via his apprenticeship, and like many of us with our first jobs and no real outgoings he has plenty of money to burn, which he is doing almost literally.
He's also going through that irritating "first money" phase when everything you ever did for him is thrown back at you because he can afford better with his own money - this week's example was paying for a data add-on for his phone because the home wi-fi is rubbish. Well, actually mate its a lot better without you downloading the entire internet and clogging it up.

So, I have started with removing all dirty washing from the house. Its bagged and in the garage and is not coming back until laundered. His towel has been disposed of as there is no hope it will ever lose that musty smell. And that will be my compromise, his towel will go in the wash with ours, but he will remain responsible for the rest of his own washing.
I don't want him back in my kitchen. For someone training to be a chef I despair of his hand hygiene - my sticky banisters are torment enough!

Annie; I very much appreciate that different perspective and your honesty. It takes a lot of courage to share such personal beliefs and I really do appreciate it. After alienating the elder son for a while I did not want to be the cause of that happening again especially as B no longer has the option that C had, which was to go back to his mum's. I realise that I can be quite harsh sometimes, and DH has been vocal about it being one of my faults. I work hard to only "condemn" the individual action rather than demonise the person, but it is the constant battle that you refer to.
The line of thinking is also in line with this year's reading on Stoic philosophy. This months theme is "fait amori" i.e. love fate. One of the daily thoughts this week has a similar translation to "Let go, let God", which is one of the themes I am struggling with the most. I have often found this stance is used as an "excuse" for not taking responsibility.

At the moment I'm roughly at peace with the current solution. Having the smell out of the house works wonders for my sense of well-being.

That is one of the problems that stops you thinking clearly about sorting out the more meaningful stuff, and that is all on me. No matter how hard I try I cannot find peace and acceptance in what I am doing with my life. I try. I list the positives, which are the things that are stopping me seriously pursuing something else, but then if I knew clearly enough what else I wanted to pursue then nothing would stop me, right?
I could almost swear that I thrive on striving. I'm working on it.
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Post by AutumnTiger on Sat Nov 17, 2018 5:40 am

Moving on ....

In happy and happier news ....

My eldest stepson and GF got engaged a few weeks ago, and this week we have received the Save the Date card from them. So end of July 2020 it is!!

DH has vowed to be slim and trim by then, so hopefully, after the annual festivities we will be having a healthy start to 2019. Hopefully I can ride the slipstream.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Entirely unrelated and something only I would be excited about ... my birthday present arrived yesterday. Yes, my birthday was over a month ago, but I was waiting for a special edition Nintendo Switch (games console) and Let's Go Pikachu, and it released yesterday. Woohoo!
So now I have an indoor game to play in the long winter months.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Speaking of long winter months, I am considering a SAD therapy light box. I absolutely dragged in Jan-Feb-Mar this year and I am hoping to offset a little bit of that. They aren't cheap, although not hugely expensive, but its the wrong time for the extra expense - not that there is ever a right time. But DH has already ordered his Christmas present from me (yet another hockey shirt!), so I have that to think about. But payday is just a week away so if I pay the shirt off and buy the light box straight away I can then make ends meet for the rest of the month!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In my personal commitments, I have restarted my Duolingo learning, and re-committed to posting in my 100-day adventures group thanks to a prompt from a fellow member who wished to restart a challenge. That said, she posted for support with a new challenge - not mentioning what it was - and then disappeared. I'm hoping if I continue my check-ins then she will pop back.
I'm trying to be more mindful of my to-do list as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today is an event free day. We had nothing planned. Nothing that is until we realised the weather, and light, are likely to be good, so we are going to the zoo for a couple of hours. DH will use the opportunity to give the little car a run out.
Then I need to do some housework.

Then I need to decide where to start and make a start on my future plans.

There are two elements to this:
1. the physical decluttering. This has become a must do now. We will likely move at the end of our current tenancy (so June 2019) and/or if I secure a PhD offer then we/I will move anyway, OR, at some point we are hoping to finally buy.
(Also, if the worst happens I need to be ready to run away).
2. the mental work to secure the PhD (or another job). This is also split in to different parts. Identifying potential projects, preparing for the application, actually preparing the application itself, etc. Not to mention that in general I need to refamiliarise myself with all the things I have already done; my studies have been numerous and some of the older ones could do with a mental refresh, i.e. so that I know what I know. A lot of it I take for granted, which doesn't come across well on an application. And I am not good at tooting my own horn.

So, anyway, the indoor things that should be done when the sun has gone down on any day when there is good daylight to be experienced.

Off to the zoo!
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Post by Narrowminded on Sat Nov 17, 2018 10:06 am

Have fun at the zoo.

I hope you don’t need to choose to run away and I certainly don’t live your day to day life, but will toss out the reminder that when you run you take yourself with you. Basically, saying that if you are not happy with yourself, you still won’t be if you run

Maybe a move to a new local might be good. The thought of moving will help you declutter more easily as you can decide what you don’t want to pack and haul away. Seems to clear thought about what you really do an don’t use regularly.

Have an awesome day
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Post by Pedidoc on Sat Nov 17, 2018 10:57 am

Enjoy the birthday gifts.

Have you considered charging B a small amount of rent?
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Post by AutumnTiger on Sun Nov 18, 2018 9:56 am

Hi Kathi, he does make a small contribution at the moment. In the UK families receive a small payment from the Government for all young persons under eighteen still in full-time education (equivalent to about $100 per month). When B left school to join an apprenticeship scheme, which pays him, DH implemented that B has to top up the household income with the money we lost by him leaving school.
We will likely increase this, slightly, once he is eighteen to be similar to rent and/or "keep" i.e. food/shopping contribution
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Post by AutumnTiger on Sun Nov 18, 2018 10:03 am

So a bit more organisation done today despite a lazy Sunday morning.

I have spent an hour or so this afternoon cataloguing all B's old revision books so that we can list them on a local give-away site.

DH and I have also made a bargain that if he gets rid of the spare office chair, that no-one ever uses and just gets moved around the room and used as an ironing pile, I will sacrifice my papasan chair - even though a. I picked up the original office chair for free by someone else giving it away, and we used it in that house, but not since we moved, and my papasan chair is currently in storage so not technically bothering us! However, its a pact and shows just how much the office chair bugs me!!

I have also bought a messenger bag for the proper storage of my new console. Marie would be proud; its something I love.

Interestingly, one of the personal development authors I have been reading recently has mentioned Kon Mari in a couple of articles. It was a timely reminder.

Just awaiting dinner, and then we are on our way to hockey. Time for make-up.
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Post by Pedidoc on Sun Nov 18, 2018 10:35 am

AutumnTiger wrote:Hi Kathi, he does make a small contribution at the moment. In the UK families receive a small payment from the Government for all young persons under eighteen still in full-time education (equivalent to about $100 per month). When B left school to join an apprenticeship scheme, which pays him, DH implemented that B has to top up the household income with the money we lost by him leaving school.
We will likely increase this, slightly, once he is eighteen to be similar to rent and/or "keep" i.e. food/shopping contribution

That is nice that you get some help when you have kids in full-time education. It would have really helped when our 4 were in school.
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Post by AutumnTiger on Mon Nov 19, 2018 11:09 am

Yes, its the Governments way of trying to bribe people to have families Very Happy

But seriously helpful, I very much doubt my mum could have raised me alone without that money.
My dad paid less than that towards my upkeep, and that was via the courts, although mum never had it reviewed in a cost-of-living kind of way. Nor, to be fair, did I know at the time, that he was also paying for two older children. I didn't know he had a family from his first marriage until I was nearly sixteen. It never occurred to me to ask, and mum reckoned it was his business to tell me, so I think it just got overlooked!
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Post by AutumnTiger on Mon Nov 19, 2018 11:59 am

Sleep 6h 56m, Awake 57m, REM 1h 45m, Light 4h 6m, Deep 1h 5m

Trying my best to be efficient today and having mixed success. Started off trying to do an online bank transfer forst thing this morning only to realise that the update to my online banking that happened over the weekend appears to have broken the system. Webpages are slow to load, and then do so in Times New Roman rather than fancy graphics, and the page loads are too slow to complete the transaction.

More successful is that I have hit my daily work target, with plenty of time to spare, so much so that I had to ask for more of one type of work. However, the request was slow to be responded to, and now the work has arrived the system has crashed.

I'm desperately trying to keep up with a social Hangout for an event I am attending on Sunday. Its wonderfully exciting, but quite time consuming at the same time.

Tonight I am making a return to radio club. Will hopefully give me a chance to say hello to the people I am going to meet with on Friday in the first of our training group meetings.

In other journals there was talk of reading while walking, I was doing a similar thing at hockey last night, pacing while reading my Kindle. (as DH is a 50-50 seller he's only around at second break and sometimes there are people to talk to, but they are often in their own groups, getting drinks, going for a smoke etc.)
It was a good section of the book for me to put something into action today. The chapter is about having intention, which should precede attention, i.e in order to be productive you not only need to focus but you need to be aware what you are focusing on. The action is all about the rule of 3, i.e. setting the intention for the three things you are going to give your attention to today. It does say you can have more than one set of three, i.e. work intentions and personal intentions.
I've achieved two and a half of my work intentions before system errors stopped me!

Likewise with my personal intentions. One glitch but otherwise on track.
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Post by AutumnTiger on Mon Nov 19, 2018 12:34 pm

Note of random thought that just struck me: DH very often hasn't even text to tell me he is on his way home these days at the time he used to arrive home *sigh* Still not liking his "new" job.
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Post by ONTARIO on Mon Nov 19, 2018 1:38 pm

Pacing while reading is a great, passive, way to get in a lot of steps in a day. I probably get in close to 1000 steps a day on this alone. Hey, that's 10%! Congrats on getting all your work done. Could you come over to my office and do mine for me? Laughing

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Post by Narrowminded on Mon Nov 19, 2018 5:32 pm

AT - glad you found the reading while walking helpful in more ways than one. Smile. Sounds like a great book and at least for the first go, it has worked well for you.

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Post by AutumnTiger on Wed Nov 21, 2018 3:48 am

Tuesday night sleep: 8h 19m, Awake 1h 18m, REM 1h 9m, Light 6h 6m, Deep 1h 4m

Monday: 8h 6m, Awake 1h 16m, REM 2h 44m, Light 3h 46m, Deep 1h 36m

On the face of it those look like two good nights of sleep. In reality they couldn't have been more different. Monday night's awake time was all in one block around 3:30am, so I spent most of yesterday feeling terrible. I had to lie in to get over the eight hour mark, and then although I woke naturally I just dragged through the whole day.
Only the "one more task" then I'll phone in actually got me to the end of the day.

Being so tired, and having no food in, led to some poor food choices when I nipped out to the local shop. But going to try and put that behind me today.

Feel brighter this morning, although not entirely "on it", but enough that at the moment I don't anticipate a problem with the day.

DH was out on a leaving do last night, so I left B to his own devices for tea, and curled up on the sofa with some mind candy, before finding the highlights of MNF, which I'd been told was an "all-timer". It was certainly end-to-end action!

I'd been fast asleep, as it turns out only for about twenty minutes, when DH came home and started banging around in the kitchen - putting away shopping, so I shouldn't grumble, but I wasn't happy at being woken. Then B's TV/X-box noise started filtering in. It felt like ages and I was getting really cross, but I obviously managed to drop back off. Didn't hear DH come to bed, but I do remember him reaching out to let me know he was there.

So, I didn't manage all of my 3 things yesterday, but I did my work, which is the most important if the least satisfying. I have to remember the long-term win with that one, i.e. income = home + lifestyle.

Everything crossed for a better day today; these dragging days are more frequent than I would like and I don't see how to fix them. Its too early for winter blues. Cleaner diet may help, but other than the off-day yesterday, it isn't really that bad, or maybe it is. Food diary time maybe?

Right, around the forum for a quick catch up before starting work.
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Post by AutumnTiger on Wed Nov 21, 2018 3:54 am

Note to self: maybe I am like pedi's Dean and need more daily exercise to beat the blues
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Post by AutumnTiger on Wed Nov 21, 2018 3:56 am

Instant pots

Considering one again, seriously this time - which brands do you all have? And what sizes?

I know the UK options might not be the same, but I would prefer a recommendation if its possible.

Many thanks.
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Post by Lovebird on Wed Nov 21, 2018 4:18 am

I know Pedidoc will answer your question about the brain oil in her journal too, but here you go:

Pedidoc wrote:
Pedidoc wrote:Sounds yummy.  I do brain oil 2 tsp, 2 scoops collagen powder, and unsweetened vanilla almond milk in my coffee every morning.

Bulletproof Brain Octane Oil is a unique supplement that makes a bold claim of being 18 times more potent than coconut oil when it comes to delivering caprylic fatty acids to our body that can improve our brain functions and help with burning fat.


It's nice to see you check in more regularly. Keep it up! Smile
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Post by Narrowminded on Wed Nov 21, 2018 11:31 am

Hi AT sorry about your rough nights.

I have the original IP. The 6qt, second edition. I do use it as much as I should. Pedi uses hers much more often and will have better comments on it.

Glad you’re back for more than a quick pop in Smile
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Post by AutumnTiger on Wed Nov 21, 2018 1:59 pm

Lovebird wrote:It's nice to see you check in more regularly. Keep it up! Smile

Narrowminded wrote:Glad you’re back  for more than a quick pop in Smile

Thanks LB and NM, me too. I'm really trying to get back involved - one of my personal "3 things" Very Happy
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Post by Meant2Move on Wed Nov 21, 2018 5:26 pm

I'm not a good person if I don't get in some movement very regularly. My brain and body both demand it. Dance, walk, run around the park - just do something each day.
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Post by AutumnTiger on Thu Nov 22, 2018 3:25 am

Happy Thanksgiving to all those who are celebrating today.

Peace and blessings to all.
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Post by AutumnTiger on Thu Nov 22, 2018 3:58 am

Random thoughts from yesterday.

I got distracted by a podcast LB shared before I finished reading around the journals or my train of thoughts ... so this is just an unedited posting as in my mind I feel like I have already said all this in my journal.

Wednesday: 21st Nov
Good to have my brain back in gear - for as long as it lasts this time. Rollercoaster isn't the word.

Got through my work queue again today, so pleased with that. Also had some good conversations with a couple of people, which was nice and helped me feel a little more connected to the world.

Was pleased to have my Duolingo lesson done before dinner. Managed to get to it while things were in the oven.

I've been connecting on and off throughout the day with the people I will likely meet on Sunday, too. For more info .. this is an Ingress related social gathering. Its one of a special series of organised events called Mission Days. Its a bit like Community Day in Pokemon Go, if you've come across that. The organisers have put out a series of special missions for the day, each of which basically takes in about six points of interest in the host city. Completing the required number of missions (12 for the able bodied) will earn you a special badge for the day on your profile. But really its just a way for a lot of like-minded people to be around others pursuing the same hobby in a different place.
Its exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time. But DH is coming as well, and we are able to do this one as a day-trip as its in Coventry, which is just over an hours drive from us, and one of the places we visit regularly for ice hockey.

I have lots of things on my "to order" (and/or pay for) list for payday later this week: the first one is paying for DH's new hockey shirt, he already has this seasons shirt, picked up a special shirt at the weekend, and now has another one on order for his Christmas present - I swear his jerseys are going to need their own suitcase when we move!
For me, I want a couple of things for the house - a new mattress protector for the bed after I fried our last one in the dryer, plus a memory foam pillow for me - see if it will sort out my neck issues. Oh, and we are talking about an electric blanket too!
I'm also hoping to order an oil heater and a lightbox for my office/study.
Finally, the instant pot. Oh, and looking in to this brain oil stuff now. I got away with some coconut oil this morning, so I'll monitor how that goes for the rest of the jar.

DH even later at work tonight. But his team is getting a reshuffle, one guy today was offered voluntary redundancy and is taking it. While there will be a short term hit in terms of bums on seats, he is one of DH's !"problem children" so in the long term it should prove beneficial. There are a couple of others due to be made the same offer, but they're not on shift at the moment. So, anyway, he has stayed late for moral support etc.

So, weather, we are due to go below freezing (Celcius) tonight, I think for the first time.

>>>> END

We did get the freeze; pretty white out there this morning.

Time for work. More later. Happy Thanksgiving.
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Post by Pedidoc on Thu Nov 22, 2018 9:34 am

Look for a mini battery powered wisk if you get the brain oil. It froths it up and makes it easier to drink.
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Post by Narrowminded on Thu Nov 22, 2018 10:34 am

Happy Thanksgiving AT.

Sounds like a good list you have going. I second the frother that Pedi mentioned. Use one daily, best investment ever.

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Post by AutumnTiger on Thu Nov 22, 2018 12:26 pm

Thanks ladies. If I get some brain oil, I'll remember that to go with it Smile

I'm welching out on the last fifteen minutes of work; still at my desk in case the phone rings but my brain can't do another audit!

Speaking of phones, so we finally - just in the last couple of weeks got our new phone system. It is internet based so it runs via my laptop and I have a headset with a USB connector plugged in. If I mentioned, or anyone recalls, one of the conditions of my going home-based was this new phone system so I was allocated a mobile phone until it arrived. For the first few days of having the internet phone I was juggling my mobile as well. However, I have now put an out of use answerphone message on the mobile, and my number has been removed from the contact list, so that will soon be going back in the box and back to the office - yippee!
The downside of that is that it is much more difficult to be flexible with my working hours. I used to get away with getting all my work queue done but being able to take the mobile with me if I needed to get going somewhere. Hey hum, can't have it all ways!!

B is working tonight, so just DH and me for dinner, then DH is out to Scouts. I was going to colour my hair and do some prep for the Mission Day this weekend, but I am running low on oomph again. Its been cloudy, drizzly and cold all day, so the weather isn't helping. Plus I got TOTM, so hibernate mode is kicking in. I've asked DH to pick me up some snacks on the way home and will spend the evening on the sofa methinks.

On the plus side, my Def Leppard tickets arrived today - woohoo!
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Post by Pedidoc on Thu Nov 22, 2018 7:24 pm

Def Leppard puts on a fantastic show. We have seen them 3 times now I think.
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