AutumnTiger starting over

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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by AutumnTiger on Thu Aug 16, 2018 9:56 am

Having a very busy day - hence this time out.

I was at my desk at 7am this morning to make up some time lost attending my appointment the other day.

I also have a few things niggling at me around the house, like not getting to the washing up last night! A very rare occurrence for me. I've been playing out too much with Ingress and Pokemon Smile

Also, I had some paperwork to organise as I (we, as DH is coming, too) have a meeting tonight to start the clearance process for me to work with the Scouting Association. This is at a national level on an ad-hoc basis due to DH and myself having skills as radio amateurs.
I have helped before on an ad-hoc basis for district, generally just once a year when we do JOTA (jamboree on the air), and occasionally with local groups doing geocaching, with but DH is looking to get more involved with Radio Scouting - and drag me with him - and as it might involve overnights with Scout groups I have to be cleared.
Anyway, I have done the admin ahead of the appointment and indicated which ID I will present to be verified, so I can relax a bit now.

The washing up can still wait, and I am on track to catch up with work, but it is time to get back to it.
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by AutumnTiger on Thu Aug 16, 2018 10:00 am

This was my Ingress fun, that Green field in the middle ... I did that Smile

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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Narrowminded on Thu Aug 16, 2018 2:54 pm

The scouting sounds like a resume inhancement as well as fun.

I don’t understand geocaching, but looks like a pretty big area?
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Narrowminded on Sun Oct 28, 2018 10:31 am

AT - how goes it? Long time, no see.

Hugs
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by perennialpam on Sun Oct 28, 2018 4:43 pm

I've been wondering about you too AT!
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by AutumnTiger on Sat Nov 03, 2018 12:04 pm

* * * I N C O M I N G T R A N S M I S S I O N * * *

Hi all,

Big shout out to NM for stopping by and giving me a nudge.

I have thought of everyone often, but never at the right time to stop by with an update; and somehow I have just been unable to make time. Life and health continue to have their highs and lows. During the highs I have been busy getting out and doing stuff rather than being indoors on my PC; the lows - well, you know how that goes!

So .. health. The reflux is probably about 60% there. I never followed up with the nutritionist as the impression that I got was that the focus was all going to be on weight-loss rather than an exploration of trigger foods. The self-experimentation continues. Most days are generally much better, I spend less time with that lump in my throat, and I even get the odd day (the very odd day) when I don't think of it at all. I think this is a natural long, slow, healing process rather than any specific thing I have done. Being mindful in my choices is helping, but I don't think there is a definite route to being cured - just time and patience.
Interestingly, I had the fewest symptoms of all recently when I was suffering with a cold. This seems to tell me that it is something physiological that having the cold seemed to suppress, but as I have no wish to spend my life with a cold I guess it just swapping one "misery" for another!

I have moments that are more primal than others. Not much in the way of wheat has slipped back in to my diet; it just wouldn't be in my nature to return to having cereal for breakfast, sandwiches for lunch and pasta with dinner, but the occasional pudding slips in - usually cheesecake with a biscuit base, and I recently even bought a packet of biscuits.
Less primal is that I still have regular/daily crisps (potato chips) and milk chocolate. I'm working on cutting that out again.

So, what have I been busy doing (when I have had the energy!).

Lots of Pokemon Go. DH has picked it back up again, and we have spent many long summer evenings out walking catching Pokemon. We've also become somewhat involved in the local PoGo community having joined the local Discord server. This has been fun, and there are some friendships developing there.

I have finally succumbed and taken on an "official" role in Scouting. However, when I say official this isn't a regular weekly commitment like DH has as a leader, but I have joined one of the official support groups. DH and I are both radio amateurs and there is a new Scout Active Support Unit has been set up to promote amateur radio within Scouting and we have both joined them. We did our first event as staff last weekend. It was at Gilwell Park, which is the home of Scouting and is an activity centre where Scouts go to camp for a weekend and take part in various activities. Other than the usual summer camps, there are about eight weekends per year where they have themed camps - last weekend was Scarefest for Halloween. It is these eight or so events that we will look to get involved in if our skills are required.

Still with radio, and also possibly with Scouting, I am re-commiting to putting together a training course for the Foundation license that we could offer as a weekend course. For the previous two or three years I have not been a member of our local radio club, which I was previously on the committee as Secretary at and which DH is currently vice-chair, as a lot of the fun went out of it. But I am beginning to feel interested again, the club is to move to a new venue (again) and DH tells me that the guys who now run the training would like my help; so it might be time to give this a go again.

Decluttering. While part of me thinks that not much has happened on the decluttering front, i.e. there are still lots of boxes of papers to sort out, there have been some positive developements. Now that summer is over and I no longer wish to sit by the patio doors, working at the dining room table so that I can gaze at the garden, I have set myself up an office with a permanent desk in the spare room.
Having access to a desk has triggered me to start thinking in much more organised ways again, and actually wanting to get stuff done, including getting on top of paperwork. It really is amazing the difference this has made, and I really had not realised how much I missed having a desk.
Energy levels have meant that there are more ideas than actions at the moment, but I have literally just this afternoon made some more headway and moved a small shelf unit from my corner downstairs into the office. This unit has one shelf of important books on it - my diaries and all my idea notebooks, so having it with me in the room where I spend eight hours per day should hopefully help me begin to crystallise some of those ideas. The other shelves and the lots of storage boxes around me remind me how far I have to go, but I am getting my mojo back to tackle it.
The effect of having this "me" space has been eye-opening. It is something I need to function well.

The paperwork and mementoes parts of KM are some of the hardest parts, and my paperwork is a huge mess of real paperwork mixed in with mementoes, all at various stages of being "organised" and sorted in to categories. I get so far and then tail off. Then start again months later with a different box. Several half started "projects" seem harder to tackle that one giant mess.
One bonus is that we now have a super scanner/printer, which is sitting up in the office with me. It is not in the ideal place accessability wise, but I am hoping to develop a habit of doing some daily scanning.

I also took the time to reset the deskptop on my laptop, which I had been avoiding after my laptop was rebuilt (fairly) recently. That, too, has made a difference in helping me want to use the tools at my disposal.

In fun stuff, we recently got in a visit to my mum and grandma, and while we were there we all went round to my cousin's house, which they have not long been moved in to (and now owned not rented) and caught up with her family. We all went out for dinner and then I finally got the chance to take my mum to a hockey game!
We've one a few car meets, too - in the MR2, including two days at the Bicester Heriatge Centre, which is becoming one of my new favourite places.
DH and I also went to the Scout activity site on a weekend that is set aside for leaders and helpers involved in Scouting to get together and see what the other groups do, exchange ideas, etc. and just generally get to have a social weekend together. Although we could only visit for one day rather than do the whole weekend camping we had a great time.
We've also recently been to see Bat Out of Hell the musical at a theatre in London - so good we want to see it again.
We've been to two out of the three NFL in London games, the Titans/Cahargers game was one of the best live games I've ever seen and we have been going to these games for six or seven years now.
And, about three weeks ago - on my birthday - we had a day at the zoo! I've lived here for twelve years now, we live fifteen minutes away from the zoo, and this was my first visit!! However, it shouldn't be too long before we go again as we bought an annual pass while we were there!
Last but not least, its hockey season, and we are season ticket holders again this year.

All-in-all, we continue to live life at full tilt. Evidenced by the fact that it is already November, the clocks have gone back, and I am still wondering what happened to my Best Year Yet goals for the year when it is almost time to start setting next year's goals.
However, the goal-setting will be done with some enthusiasm this year, and with more likelihood of progress rather than this year's feeling of hoping they would happen rather than being determined to achieve them.

I've got a couple of good new personal development books in progress: Atomic Habits by James Clear and Hyperfocus by Chris Bailey; both are good doses of common sense. I haven't yet come across much that is revolutionary, being about 15-25% in to each, but they are summaries of good ideas laid out clearly that just by reading about the topic make you more mindful to develop good habits and live mindfully when wanting to get things done.

As ever, I feel guilty to post a huge update and then not get to catch up with everyone, but if I don't post this now I just don't know when I might get the chance again.
Hopefully, I have some time to check out the most recent posts/pages of the diaries. And best intentions to return again tomorrow when I should have the latter part of the day to myself.
I'm also hoping that nothing sad has happened to anyone, something that I should be aware of, so please forgive me if any of the foregoing is insensitive due to my posting before catching up.

God bless. - D-
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Annieh on Sun Nov 04, 2018 12:42 am

Great to hear from you AT!!!!
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by perennialpam on Sun Nov 04, 2018 7:15 am

Hi AT, while you do inform us of many things, I am still wondering about others.  Thanks for checking in.  Looking forward to hearing more about the goings on in your life.
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Narrowminded on Sun Nov 04, 2018 5:10 pm

AT - So happy I was the nudge you needed to check in with your tribe. It sounds like you’ve been very busy. Happy to hear many things are going well.

Hugs
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Meant2Move on Mon Nov 05, 2018 7:55 pm

So good to hear from you. Reflux is a tough one, glad to hear you are making some progress. Just keep at it!
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by AutumnTiger on Tue Nov 13, 2018 4:23 pm

Evening all.

Gosh where does the time go?! It does not help that the email notifications for the forum do not seem to be happening, so I'm losing my prompts for my check-ins!

Another busy week has flown by - work, ice hockey, another visit to the zoo, Pokemon Go community day event, cinema to see the movie about Queen.

Sounds like nothing when you try to sum it up, but somehow its been keeping me busy.

Pam: what else did you want to know about? I'd hate to leave any loose ends Smile

My sleep pattern continues to be a bit hit and miss, after some good deep sleep last night I was wide awake at 4am, then struggled to make it to my desk for 9am - and only did so by being in my pyjamas and showering at lunch time!!

One night over the weekend I was very rudely awakened in the early hours by the alarm calls of a fox. Not that I knew exactly what it was at the time, but we looked it up online in the morning and it was definitely what I heard. Quite unusual for our urban environment.

So, I mentioned the zoo, too. Our visit was 30 days since our first visit when we got our annual passes, so making good on my promise to myself to go once per month. It is great being able to go for just a few hours and not feeling like you need to cram everything in. We spent a while up with the penguins: black-footed and rock-hoppers, then mooched on over past the otters and the red pandas on our way to a talk (just 15 minutes or so) at the elephant house before finally going in to the butterfly house.

Work continues to be just work. I've got my eye on another PhD again, after vowing not to put myself through that again, I just can't get around that academia is where I want to be.
I haven't been making any progress with any other kind of job hunting because that is not where my heart is.

I'm taking steps to get more involved with the radio club again, and we're trying to arrange a meeting for those of us interested in helping run training courses.

Our ice hockey club has its first (and only for this season anyway) televised home match tomorrow night. One of the free sports channels has a contract to show 17 of the games from our league this season - the first time top-tier British hockey has been shown on TV. We were the away team earlier in the season, but the cameras will be in our rink tomorrow!
It is an interesting match-up, too as it sees the return of our former coach to the rink with his new team.

Anyway, that's enough waffling from me. TTFN.
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by AutumnTiger on Wed Nov 14, 2018 4:13 am

Nothing much to report, but trying to form a habit of checking in each morning.

Sleep: 7h 03m; Awake: 49m, REM: 1h 19m, Light: 4h 6m, Deep: 1h 38m

Feeling pretty with it, so I'm thanking the deep sleep, even though I woke up an hour before my alarm clock.

Need to be on the ball today so that I can prep for hockey tonight before technically finishing work. I can get my queue worked early doors so that I just have to man the phone until 5:30pm, which I should be able to manage to do make-up as well!
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Pedidoc on Wed Nov 14, 2018 6:38 am

Nice picture AT!
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by perennialpam on Wed Nov 14, 2018 7:03 am

Look how dark your hair is and long! Good to see you. And DH, of course.
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Narrowminded on Wed Nov 14, 2018 6:11 pm

AT - great report. You have been busy.

So cool your team will finally be televised. Love me my hockey here.
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by AutumnTiger on Thu Nov 15, 2018 2:36 pm

Oh, yeh! Forgot I changed the profile pic - I was trying to find one that doesn't make all my posts super huge. Thanks for all the positive feedback Smile

So, this morning I was tired but wired after an amazing match last night. We finally got our run of luck, they guys played out of their skins even minus the coach, the other team just got everything wrong, and the scoreline came out 6 - 1

I had only good things to say.

However, I have just cried into my washing up and wondered how my life got so far off course that I find myself crying in to the washing up because I'm married to a neanderthal, have a pot-head for a step-son, and can no longer string together a coherent argument about the values that I used to hold most dear.

I have just had a thorough wake-up call about how those tiny incremental compromises that only seem like a one degree change in direction at the time can result in being completely off course way down the line.

So tonight, I have alcohol and I am going to watch my recording of last night's game - the commentary should be fun, both sides had a player ejected, and at one stage the opposition had four in the bin.

Tomorrow, I will begin to right the ship.
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Heuristicfireflower on Thu Nov 15, 2018 4:24 pm

AutumnTiger wrote:
However, I have just cried into my washing up and wondered how my life got so far off course that I find myself crying in to the washing up because I'm married to a neanderthal, have a pot-head for a step-son, and can no longer string together a coherent argument about the values that I used to hold most dear.

I have just had a thorough wake-up call about how those tiny incremental compromises that only seem like a one degree change in direction at the time can result in being completely off course way down the line.

I totally get this. It seems harmless enough to let things go on esp. when you are quite busy and then...reality checks in. Fortunately, it's never too late to change paths and you know what to do. Hang in there.
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Meant2Move on Thu Nov 15, 2018 5:14 pm

I'll concur - it's NEVER too late!

Hugs!
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Narrowminded on Thu Nov 15, 2018 6:08 pm

AT you can do this. And I’ll echo everyone else, NEVER to late.

Hugs. Hope you enjoyed the game replay.
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by AutumnTiger on Fri Nov 16, 2018 3:57 am

True thanks for the support; we have such a great network and I'm honoured to know you guys.

Sleep 5h 53m, Awake 44m, REM 36m, Light sleep 4h 18m, Deep sleep 59m

Looks about as rubbish as you would expect given yesterday's upset, but actually I feel fairly alert. Maybe it will wear off, although I think I am in "determined" mode. DH called me grumpy this morning; he was confusing that with my determination.

So, I need your opinions, especially you ladies & gents who have raised sons - the smell, how do you fix it?
Secondly, when did you begin to teach them any form of independence in terms of household chores?

I have already gone back on B doing the washing up because I was sick to the back teeth of the half-arsed job he would make of it, and dealing with greasy utensils, plates that had only been washed round the edges etc.
The latest thing I am gritting my teeth over is his washing. He has qualifications, he is perfectly capable of operating a washing machine, the problems are laziness and forethought. However, this is obviously the biggest cause of the smell issue. So how do I handle it? Go back to my doing his washing, or tell him when he needs to do it, or leave him to it.

Today's interim solution is that his washing pile is going in a sack in the garage, and will not be allowed back in the house until laundered, so I can see if that fixes the smell.

The other stuff going on is on me. There are parts of DH I am not too fond of at times. I often question whether I was truly made to co-habit. So far the better times are winning out so I stay put.

As for burying my values in a bid to "get along" no more. I think I have gone overboard in terms of giving up who I am in an effort just to have a simple life. I am not surrounded by people who either think like I do, in terms of values, or are at least capable of thinking for themselves. My life is such a series of compromises that I have forgotten which ones are the big ones, i.e. the ones worth making - like not living by the sea but sharing my life with DH, and which ones are the irritating, seemingly meaningless, ones like letting DH do the shopping, which is done in a cheap supermarket but where the fact I can't recycle half the plastics, that chips away at the core of my being every day.
I'm also owning doing nothing productive with my leisure time, which I have been using as a cover so I don't have to think about all the things I could be doing to make my life, and my little corner of the world, a better place.

Although its a work day and I am likely to be somewhat distracted throughout as these thoughts pop round my head and the plan, and its timeline, take shape, at least it is nearly the weekend, and for a wonder its a weekend where the only thing we have on is one hockey game, and that isn't until Sunday early evening.

Well, that's the first step - my daily check in here.
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Rig D on Fri Nov 16, 2018 7:31 am

We have 2 boys, 2 girls, very close in ages. All got allowances, but to get their allowances they had weekly household chores that had to be done. These ranged from washing dishes, vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms, laundry, yard work, etc. We started doing the chore list when they were around 5 or 6, and tried to keep the complexity at age ability levels. My sons still talk about having to mow the grass "all the time."

Not sure about "the smell". Both my sons were athletic and into non-stop sports as kids. Their room frequently had that wondrous ammonia like locker room smell due to hot sweaty clothes not getting into the dirty clothes hamper and washed on a timely basis. My biggest issue with them was always that I couldn't see their floor because of their clothes and junque abandoned there. Legos on the floor are quite brutal on bare feet.
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Pedidoc on Fri Nov 16, 2018 9:24 am

Does B smell? Is he overweight? I seem to remember issues with getting into food he should not. If yes on both questions, has he been checked for metabolic syndrome/diabetes type 2? It produces a nasty smell which gets on everything - clothes, bedding, towels. If everything is no/no/no, then he loses all privileges meaning you only have to supply him with basic food, clothes, and a place to sleep. So the bedroom door comes off the hinges, all clothing and belongings are bagged up to be earned back. Meals can be basic and some have gone so far as to shop at the second-hand store for clothes. Harsh, but as an adult, if he does not hold a job nice things will be nonexistent for him.
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Narrowminded on Fri Nov 16, 2018 4:54 pm

AT - Pedi has some good advice here.  I guess my question is, if it’s not medical, will DH stand behind you since this is his son I believe.

My kids both DS and DD helped from when small.  One summer DS actually asked (I think he was 10 -12) to have laundry be his chore.  That meant he did the whole family’s laundry.  Did an excellent job.  

I had both kids in the kitchen helping me cook from the time they were tots

Oh and as for washing dishes, in our house usually a different person dried.  If there was found a dish that wasn’t completely clean it was tossed back into the sink to be done again. If he has learned that all he has to do is a sub-standard job, and you’ll take it back, then what incentive does he have to do it well. Make him redo the dishes.

Hope you find some answers.
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Pedidoc on Fri Nov 16, 2018 8:44 pm

I changed to unbreakable plates and cups and moved them to lower cabinets so the boys could unload the dishwasher starting when they were toddlers.  Young I know but they want to help at that age.  I would sit them on the counter and they would help tear lettuce or scoop cookies at about 3 years of age.  As they got older they had to learn to sort and sit down and pay bills with me.

It does not mean we didn't have some issues when they were in their teens. But all we had to do was threaten what I wrote above and they fell in line.
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Re: AutumnTiger starting over

Post by Annieh on Sat Nov 17, 2018 4:45 am

AT, I hear your frustration. My response is going to come from a different place altogether.
The Bible says all of us are in a battle (and I think we know this from experience). However, what we don't always realise is that our battle is not against flesh and blood (eg your beloved husband and stepson) but against the "spiritual forces of evil". This might sound over dramatic, but I believe it explains (among other things) why we are so prone to entertaining and dwelling on false and negative thoughts, and end up going round in circles in our minds and in our life. There's all sorts of behaviour management and self development strategies out there but their power is limited. However, once we connect with the power of God, we can be set free and learn to overcome. Please consider this, and ask a Christian friend about it. Hope this not too preachy for you. Love, A.
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