Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

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Post by tomi1000 on Wed Jan 30, 2019 2:21 pm

Marcadav --- I fibbed! I went back and looked at my supplements and there are a few things I have added over the past year. Nothing without NP approval - but still, there has been changes.
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Post by tomi1000 on Wed Jan 30, 2019 2:50 pm

So - I've been moving today. I have made a new rule -- unless it is an emergency - all bathroom stops must be done upstairs in the master bathroom. That is up the stairs and down the long hall. As many times as I potty during the day it should be a good number of trips up and down the stairs. Doing a couple loads of laundry with some hang to dry shirts. I have vacuumed and done the dishes. I need to empty the dishwasher and put it all away once the plastic stuff dries.

I slept all of about an hour last night. So this afternoon might include a nap.

Our friends doggy (Bubba) is on his last days. This is the dog that I used to babysit for several days or a week when they go out of town. They were going to try to bring him over so we could say our goodbyes, but I decided I really don't want to do that. I know I will just completely break down and bawl -- mostly because I love this guy a lot - but also, emotions are bit raw and tender with the absence of my son. Everything makes me cry these days............
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Post by ONTARIO on Wed Jan 30, 2019 3:03 pm

I went back and read your posts for the last three pages of this thread. There is something I wanted to say for a while but haven't because I am so very afraid that it might be taken the wrong way. So, please know I mean this in only the most positive, helpful way and it is not a judgement.

Perhaps instead of focusing on what is not good with you, you could focus on what IS good with you. Focus on what you can eat as opposed to what you can't. Focus on what you can do as opposed to those things you can't do or do with difficulty.

One thing hubby and I notice about some of our patients is that those who seem to dwell on their illness(es) are also those who seem to be ill all the time. It's like they live their lives defined by their lack of health and it keeps them in a self-perpetuated spiral of lack of health.

I hope what I wrote makes sense and is pause for thought. And I sincerely hope I haven't offended you.

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Post by tomi1000 on Wed Jan 30, 2019 3:41 pm

Ontario --- absolutely no offense taken. I total agree. I will try to be more mindful of this Wink This is kinda why I've been posting my small, but real, daily accomplishments. I'm acknowledging my efforts and successes. Smile They are small by most peoples daily accomplishments - but they are big for me Smile Thank you for the input.
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Post by tomi1000 on Wed Jan 30, 2019 4:39 pm

Okay - clothes washed and put away Smile Dishes put away Smile 4 trips to the upstairs bathroom Smile
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Post by tomi1000 on Wed Jan 30, 2019 5:03 pm

I have scheduled a "play date" with an old friend of mine. Smile She is coming here on the 11th for a much needed catch up and, hopefully, a good long visit! I have known V since grade school and other than a tumultuous middle school relationship we have remained long time friends - just have never made the effort to get together. Its one of those chat on FB messenger now and again type relationships. We keep saying lets get together, but then it doesn't happen. So today while chatting I said lets do this!
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Post by tomi1000 on Wed Jan 30, 2019 6:24 pm

I am seriously fighting off a nap......... I think I will eat dinner and go to bed shortly after. We normally eat around 6:30. So maybe I will have an 8 pm bedtime tonight Smile
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Post by Narrowminded on Fri Feb 01, 2019 5:47 pm

Sounds like you’re doing well. Awesome!
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Post by tomi1000 on Mon Feb 04, 2019 3:45 pm

Seven months today since I've seen my son. I have pretty much given up hope. I am no longer waiting and anticipating - I'm accepting. As I said before - when he closes a door, he locks it and throws away the key. The saddest part is that in doing this he is cutting himself off from all family as well. I pray for him daily, its all I can do.

We had a good SB party. Smaller gathering, but I liked it better. I wasn't worrying about having enough seating for everyone Smile The food was simple. The only dessert was brownies so I wasn't even tempted. But I did eat a burger with a sourdough bun. So far, no ill effects.

Both step daughters were here for SB. I have reached a very good place where they are concerned - I let them come to me (or not) and I don't let it bother me when they don't. Youngest always hugs me when she leaves - oldest won't make the effort if I'm not standing right close by - no big deal. After they left one our friends commented that oldest SD was driving her crazy cuz she just wouldn't stop talking, and she was sitting right next to her. At one point during the afternoon she turned to me wide-eyed with that "just kill me now" look on her face. I gave her the "I get it" response. I feel bad for oldest SD - she is loud when she talks and laughs - and she is always having a great time, but doesn't realize she is irritating the people around her. She knows football as well as any super fan guy out there - and comments on every single play. Then she critiques the commercials. When she was young she told me, "I know stuff, and I like to make sure everyone knows I know stuff. And I'm always right" What do you do with that?

Stepped on the scale - still holding at 215.

Still waiting on Viome.

We were supposed to get snow last night - as always - it didn't happen. Everyone is so disappointed. We rarely see snow anymore.

I'm really down today........... woke up with a killer headache, and my energy is totally tanked. I knew today would be a bust after the prep and party over the weekend. So, I will take the time I need to recover and not feel bad for it.
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Post by Pedidoc on Mon Feb 04, 2019 6:25 pm

make a note that you had a sourdough bun and woke up with a headache and low energy.
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Post by Narrowminded on Mon Feb 04, 2019 9:23 pm

Glad you had fun with your party!
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Post by tomi1000 on Tue Feb 05, 2019 2:46 pm

Woke up to snow today! It finally happened! There isn't much, maybe 2 inches, and the streets and sidewalks are already thawing.
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Post by Rig D on Tue Feb 05, 2019 2:56 pm

Ha Ha! I wish you could have had some of ours. With the last two days of warm(er) weather and a good bit of rain y'day, our snow is almost totally gone. I'm sure we'll have more, sooner rather than later.
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Post by Pedidoc on Tue Feb 05, 2019 3:19 pm

Meanwhile, we are at 75 with 78 predicted for tomorrow!
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Post by tomi1000 on Wed Feb 06, 2019 3:00 pm

I'd much rather be in the warmth and sunshine Smile I'm not a cold weather girl at all! Being cold makes me grumpy! I'm so ready for spring!

I got an email from Viome today stating they have "resumed processing samples in your state". Kinda odd that they process "by state" rather than by date of receipt of sample. Oh well - at least I know the results should be coming soon. It said I will be sent an email when my results are available. I am so ready! I need this personalized guide and I need to a new foundation on which to base my food choices.

Paleo/Primal, Keto, FODMAPS, AIP, Mediterranean, Alt-Shift, Up day down day, Intermittent fasting, Protein shakes, a bazillion different supplements and vitamins and minerals, digestive enzymes, sleep aids, pain pills, thyroid meds, cholesterol meds that are supposed to bind to excess bile, don't eat this, eat more of that............... UGH I'm so exhausted from the past 12 years of trying to figure out how to fix my broken gut. I believe all my medical issues are directly related to my gut not working properly. Viome will help me understand what is happening, and tell me what to do to make things work better.

2019 is my year to heal. I will get my life back this year!

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Post by Narrowminded on Wed Feb 06, 2019 9:53 pm

Praying you get results soon. Also praying they are what you need.
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Post by Pedidoc on Wed Feb 06, 2019 11:00 pm

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Post by tomi1000 on Thu Feb 07, 2019 12:26 pm

Thanks, NM Smile me too!

Thanks, Pedidoc! Smile I love it!
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Post by tomi1000 on Thu Feb 07, 2019 12:42 pm

Slept okay - lots of wake ups but back to sleep right away.  Energy is really low though.  Actually, after 9 hours of sleep, I am thinking I should have stayed in bed.  

NP sent me a text yesterday and said we need to do a med check and blood work for cholesterol and thyroid.  So I'm seeing her on Monday.  Now I have to figure out when I can get to the phlebotomist for the blood draw.  It has to be fasting for the cholesterol check so that means going before noon.  I will go to the Quest Diagnostic station at the doc office where I worked - she is very good and can always find my tiny, deep veins.  I hope she is still there....... will have to call.  If not I will be forced to use the station at Safeway, that is by appointment only I'm told.

So - my goal is to have all the tax stuff ready to take to the accountant on Monday because he is just 6 blocks away from NP.  Two birds, ya know?  I sent the new accountant an email last week and asked if I could just drop them off, rather than make an appointment and sit there while he does them.  He said thats just fine Smile  Yeah!   Appointments are very difficult right now with the fatigue and the unpredictable gut issues.  I get all tense about being able to make the appointment and that makes everything worse.
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Post by Pedidoc on Thu Feb 07, 2019 12:51 pm

Take it easy today.
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Post by tomi1000 on Thu Feb 07, 2019 5:32 pm

Thanks, Pedidoc - I am taking it easy. Smile Don't have the energy to do much else today.
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Post by Narrowminded on Thu Feb 07, 2019 5:59 pm

Hope you are starting to feel better.

I need to get back to the accountant too with my personal stuff and the forms to submit the work stuff.

Hopefully you will be able to get the blood drawn and to both places with out issue.
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Post by Heuristicfireflower on Thu Feb 07, 2019 6:20 pm

I would add to Ontario's post: The idea of Fighting.
My take is the view of "fighting" adds more mental stress to a situation. It's a defensive state. The issue is still there, but, perhaps only accepting that this is the CURRENT (not resigned that this is the rest of your life) state while you keep adjusting and refining all that will move you out of this health phase may reduce some of the frustration and any impact on your body. Because the mind will impact.

What I'm meaning is that a mental frame of knowing you're doing the best you can with the available information rather than feeling it a "battle" that you're not winning may contribute to letting your body recoup better because the mental frustration is reduced. You won't feel like you're hitting a wall. Remember, the gut is the first to take a hit when any stress appears. Digestion stops and cortisol kicks in. Prolonged stress from any situation will affect more than the gut, but it's the frontline. Also, the situation with your son I'm sure has a lot to do with seeming halted or slow progress. Having to deal with touchy step-kids doesn't help either. Even if not in mind the undercurrent of sadness is there.

I've had GI issues for over a decade and when it's bad it's excruciating. My chronic stressful take (my situation warrants it, but, not to the degree I brood over) of life is costing me and I'm learning that a calm mind and heart has to be pat of the healing process. In my case it's impacting my Vegus Nerve and the cascade of issues are birthed from there. I'm exploring this with some interesting results.
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Post by tomi1000 on Thu Feb 07, 2019 8:40 pm

Heuristicfireflower wrote:I would add to Ontario's post:  The idea of Fighting.  
My take is the view of "fighting" adds more mental stress to a situation.  It's a defensive state. The issue is still there, but, perhaps only accepting that this is the CURRENT (not resigned that this is the rest of your life) state while you keep adjusting and refining all that will move you out of this health phase may reduce some of the frustration and any impact on your body.  Because the mind will impact.

What I'm meaning is that a mental frame of knowing you're doing the best you can with the available information rather than feeling it a "battle" that you're not winning may contribute to letting your body recoup better because the mental frustration is reduced.  You won't feel like you're hitting a wall. Remember,  the gut is the first to take a hit when any stress appears.  Digestion stops and cortisol kicks in. Prolonged stress from any situation will affect more than the gut, but it's the frontline.   Also, the situation with your son I'm sure has a lot to do with seeming halted or slow progress.   Having to deal with touchy step-kids doesn't help either.  Even if not in mind the undercurrent of sadness is there.

I've had GI issues for over a decade and when it's bad it's excruciating.  My chronic stressful take (my situation warrants it, but, not to the degree I brood over) of life is costing me and I'm learning that a calm mind and heart has to be pat of the healing process.  In my case it's impacting my Vegus Nerve and the cascade of issues are birthed from there.  I'm exploring this with some interesting results.  

Very good thoughts. I'm so sorry you are dealing with things that are impacting your health as well. It is a difficult place to be and a puzzle to figure out. I'm not sure how long you've followed my story - but stress has been a part of my life since I was old enough to recognize that my environment was not good or safe or healthy. It has certainly manifested in my gut. Excruciating gut pain ............ I know it well. I hate to hear others say they live it also because I can empathize fully with what they are going through.

I'm doing the best I can to deal with the stresses in my life - the step daughters have hurt me deeply - but on the flip side of that, they have suffered a great loss by their refusal to allow a really wonderful woman to be a part of their life, to love them and to guide them. I had so much to offer them. I'm still hurt by their attitudes, but I've accepted things as they are. I am trying to reach that same place with my son. I don't know what I did that was so awful that he chose to shut me out of his life and I may never know. I just have to accept that he's gone. These are battles I have chosen to stop fighting.

Regaining my health is my ultimate goal -because I hope to have a long and happy future with the man I love. Perhaps calling it a "battle" is the wrong choice of words, but it feels like a battle when it is the thing that is stealing my life away. It may be adding the stress in my body. But I can't stop trying to find a way out of this.
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Post by Pedidoc on Thu Feb 07, 2019 9:04 pm

Personally, I would say that you did not do anything to make your son shut you out. It is his doing, his choice, and he needs to own it, not you. I understand that it is hard and hurtful, but you do not have to give him that power. Give him and the situation to God and trust that it will all work out in His time.
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