Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by tomi1000 on Thu Dec 20, 2018 7:10 pm

oh those are big............
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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by Narrowminded on Fri Dec 21, 2018 8:39 am

Tomi - If it will make you feel any better. My sweeper regularly looks like that DD has a lot of hair and looses a lot too. I think it’s just normal, but if you have a lot you have a lot more normal loss.
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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by perennialpam on Fri Dec 21, 2018 8:52 am

My sweeper also looks like that. I have been losing hair for the last few years even more. Being that your hair is so long it doesn't surprise me what yours looks like.
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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by tomi1000 on Fri Dec 21, 2018 10:14 am

well, that is comforting to know. But my vacuum has never looked like that before - plus, my hair is visible thinner. When I put it in a pony tail - it is 1/2 the thickness it was before August when I went low carb and when my son shut me out. The good thing is - it is growing back. Smile
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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by tomi1000 on Fri Dec 21, 2018 11:12 am

had the strangest dream this morning just before waking. I was in my old bedroom where I grew up - the shape of the room was the same, but the size was many times larger. I had multiple roommates and there was at least 8 twin beds in the room. The dresser was divided up so we each had our own drawer. The entire dream was about losing my make-up bag. I rarely use make-up anymore! And then at the very end of the dream something came up about a transfer of money out of my bank account. So of course I was awake with a start - and was compelled to come downstairs and check our account balances.

HOW STUPID!! Dreams have always effected me very strongly. I have a hard time with the emotions attached to dreams. I remember once I was so angry at hubby all day long because he had cheated on me in my dream! I just couldn't shake the emotions. Anyway - this happens all the time - several times a week. I will have some ridiculous dream and it will bug me all day!! So - I end up losing sleep over something that didn't really happen.
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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by tomi1000 on Fri Dec 21, 2018 7:53 pm

Well - after years of living with the decorating choices I made in what used to be SD#2 bedroom -- I have decided to change it up. The problem was the fabric I chose for the head boards and the valances. I ordered something prettier and more in my comfort zone. I love fabric.com Smile

We talked to the builder and he is going to be starting the demo right after the new year. Smile Yeah!!

Christmas dinner tomorrow with hubby's fam. Curries of course. Hubby is taking a biryani and I made snickerdoodles - they were dad's favorite, and he always asked me to make them - so they are now tradition. I can't make them without missing him. He was such a good man.

It doesn't feel like Christmas. Still getting the silent treatment from my son. Been really trying to hold back the tears the past few days. We bought him a new coat, I wrapped it last night, knowing it will likely still be under the tree when Christmas is over.

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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by marcadav on Fri Dec 21, 2018 9:01 pm

Tomi, I suggest you mail the coat before Christmas. That way he gets it close to Christmas (maybe Monday if you mail it tomorrow) and you don't have the reminder sitting there under the tree, if he doesn't show up for Christmas.

If he does come home for Christmas you can let him know that you sent his gift since you hadn't heard from him.Mailing it was your way of showing him how much he means to you, that no matter what you love him, will include him in all family celebrations, and always be there for him..

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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by Pedidoc on Fri Dec 21, 2018 9:46 pm

So very sorry that your son has not reached out to you or DH. I agree with Marcadav, go ahead and mail it. The withdrawal is totally on his side, which does not make it any better, but should reassure you that you and DH are reaching out and trying. You cannot control his choices, only be available if he decides to reach out.
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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by ONTARIO on Sat Dec 22, 2018 9:05 am

The vacuum......DD and I both have long, blonde hair. My vacuum often looks like we could make a wig or two. I think its pretty normal.

I'm sorry your son has still not reached out to you. Crying or Very sad But please try to make the most out of Christmas and enjoy yourself.

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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by Narrowminded on Sat Dec 22, 2018 11:28 am

I agree with mailing the coat. That way the gift does not have strings attached. Such as you get a gift if you come.

Hope you day is brighter.
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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by tomi1000 on Sun Dec 23, 2018 7:25 pm

I appreciate the advice - unfortunately I have not been to the forum until now - it's Saturday 4:15 - too late to mail the package to get to him for Christmas day. Besides - hubby would never go for that - because IF he shows up tomorrow morning (our scheduled family time) then he would have nothing under the tree. If he doesn't show up I will mail the box on Wednesday and he should have it on Friday. I am planning to send him a text (his preferred mode of communication) on Christmas day to tell him I love him, miss him and am still here when ever he is ready to talk this through.

I had a rough day yesterday before going to the extended family gathering - cried long and hard - I needed to do that for a long time.

I will probably not be back here until Wednesday - So this will be my Merry Christmas!!! to my primal friends. Smile I pray peace and joy fills your hearts and homes. Hugs to all.
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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by Pedidoc on Sun Dec 23, 2018 9:36 pm

Merry Christmas, Tomi. I am praying that you get a fantastic gift Tuesday and your son shows up.
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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by Rig D on Mon Dec 24, 2018 9:46 am

I'd suggest just a text to tell him the package is coming. Put your "I'm here if & when" and whatever else you want in a handwritten note inside with the coat. More personal touch than text.
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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by Pedidoc on Mon Dec 24, 2018 10:01 am

Great idea, Rig.
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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by ONTARIO on Mon Dec 24, 2018 10:11 am

Merry Christmas, Tomi. I, too, hope your son comes through and you care able to mend fences and broken hearts and move on.

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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by The Walrus on Mon Dec 24, 2018 3:53 pm

Merry Christmas Tomi!
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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by Lovebird on Tue Dec 25, 2018 3:00 am

Merry Christmas Tomi.

((Hugs))


Interesting microbiome info, yet not for the faint of heart... Smile





tomi1000 wrote:My best friend send a message this morning that her dad has been admitted to the hospital due to extreme anger issues and is in the Psych ward. He is in the later stages of Alzheimer's and is living in a care facility. She is on her way to the hospital - an hour drive for her - and will let me know what is happening when she gets there. I have showered and am ready to go should she need me. The hospital is only 15 minutes from me. Praying it won't come to that.

I slept pretty soundly last night. Energy is okay, as always I still feel like I'm about tanked out.


Somehow I missed this when you posted it on the 18th... so sorry... Sad hope your friend and her dad are alright, since you didn't update. This will likely be in our future too... Crying or Very sad Missing him (FIL), as he's only a shade of the man he used to be.
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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by tomi1000 on Tue Dec 25, 2018 4:16 am

Merry Christmas Everyone! And thank you for the kind messages. It is 1:00 am on Christmas morning. I am unable to sleep. My mind and heart are heavy and I just can't stop the thoughts and wondering of what may have caused this rift between my son and I. I have such deep sorrow and utter confusion. I am also worried that he is not doing well emotionally. I pray, for him and for my own broken heart.

We had our Christmas with the girls Christmas Eve morning - my son was made aware of the gathering time, but he did not show, nor did he respond to hubby's text. I guess there is still hope that he will come Christmas day. The girls brought him gifts and I let them know I would make sure he got them. It was a rough day as it began with waking from a dream that he came for Christmas. This will be our first Christmas apart.

My time with the girls has been very sweet these past 2 days of being together. They came Saturday night for dinner and to watch the Seahawk game, and then this morning for breakfast and gift sharing. Oldest SD was very kind and I felt like we are finally making progress in our relationship. Maybe my years of being loving, forgiving and open are beginning to pay off.

I will package up my son's gift tomorrow evening and hubby can send them UPS from the shop. I like the idea (Rig) of just texting the gifts are being sent and include a hand written note in the box.

My diet has been very relaxed over this past week. Oddly enough, my gut has been the best it has been in years. I am able to skip the digestive enzymes and not have a tummy ache. And no D at all. For full disclosure - I have eaten pizza, snickerdoodles, curry, eggs, sourdough bread, coffee cake and Bisquick cinnamon rolls. All full gluten flour and no sugar substitutes. About 3 weeks ago I started using Amy Meyer's Gut Revive in my morning protein - I think it might be responsible for the improved gut function.

My poo test has been logged in at the lab and is awaiting processing. I'm so very anxious for the results. Lovebird - I am going to watch those vid links now. Smile Thank you.
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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by tomi1000 on Tue Dec 25, 2018 6:28 am

Wow!! Thank you, Lovebird, for linking those vids to my journal. I watched both from start to finish. Great info and insight. My Viome gut results should be coming in the next 2 weeks - and I 100% believe I will find the FIX to my gut troubles, energy woes, and weight frustrations, through this avenue of info and suggested treatment.

Right now - my weight is at my all time high, and my energy is at my all time low - which makes me both sad and frustrated. However - I honestly believe that all my physical struggles are going to be both understood - and alleviated in the coming year.

2019 I am claiming as my year of revolution, and reformation. What goes into my mouth (and what does go into my mouth) is going to significantly change my quality of life. I am so ready - I am so excited - and I am so dedicated too.

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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by tomi1000 on Tue Dec 25, 2018 6:37 am

oh - and, Lovebird, I have no updates to report on BFF's dad. She hasn't given me any info since, he was given a room at the hospital, and out of the ER. I don't know where in the hospital that room was. Most likely it was in psych ward. But I am not sure.

He is the last remaining "father figure's" for me. This makes it especially heart wrenching. But - his release from this earth - and the Alzheimer's prison - is a blessing. I want his spirit/soul to be free. He might not remember me - or most of his family - as he is locked into this earthy hell................. but when he is given his freedom - he will know and remember us all. And he will be fully aware of how much we all loved him. He is my favorite of all my father figures. I pray he knows this with perfect clarity when his time comes. And I believe his time is very near. I want to be able to go say goodbye to him........ I pray for the ability to do that.
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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by tomi1000 on Tue Dec 25, 2018 6:49 am

I'm wishing all a blessed and peaceful Christmas. I am sorry - but I just don't have the mental or emotional battery power to post on each on every journal.

You all mean so much to me - I pray for all your personal struggles and needs - and I am thankful for the love and support that is generously and gently offered in my own.

Merry Christmas. May the true meaning of the holiday be clearly known to all of you.
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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by Pedidoc on Tue Dec 25, 2018 7:53 am

tomi1000 wrote:I'm wishing all a blessed and peaceful Christmas.  I am sorry - but I just don't have the mental or emotional battery power to post on each on every journal.  

You all mean so much to me - I pray for all your personal struggles and needs - and I am thankful for the love and support that is generously and gently offered in my own.  

Merry Christmas.  May the true meaning of the holiday be clearly known to all of you.

Merry Christmas, Tomi. Here is to the start of your healing 2019. I look forward to "seeing" your journey and reading your fantastic results this time 2019.
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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by Narrowminded on Tue Dec 25, 2018 2:02 pm

Merry Christmas Tomi and +1 to Pedi’s reply.
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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by tomi1000 on Wed Dec 26, 2018 11:09 am

Well - still nothing from my son. I sent him a text this morning to let him know that I did not get his gifts boxed up so they wouldn't be sent until I can find a box for them. I also asked if he would prefer I keep them here until he is ready to come see us. As of yet - no response.

I keep bursting into tears at unexpected times. A commercial about family, or a song, or seeing a family walking past the house - they all bring me to an emotional puddle. I am fighting feelings of abandonment again. With that comes anger, and confusion, and feelings of being unlovable. I hate this. I don't deserve this. Now that Christmas is over I hope to be able to get my emotions in check again - and get on with things.

I weighed this morning. 216.2 Its back to primal for me.

My Viome account is still saying "waiting to process".

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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

Post by Narrowminded on Wed Dec 26, 2018 11:53 am

Tomi - I think you should just send the coat. Then the ball is in his court. I don’t think he is going to answer you.

I’m so sorry you are feeling all of this right now.

Hugs
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Re: Tomi found her way - and the quest continues.

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