Help for wife and daughter.

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Help for wife and daughter.

Post by Labtech on Sun Dec 31, 2017 5:29 pm

Hi everyone. I guess I need the women's perspective in trying to help my wife and daughter get healthy and off medications. They are both at least 100 lbs overweight and they are what I call in the belly of the medical beast.

My question is: What got you going with a lifestyle change? What makes it sustainable and easy?

I've done very well with paleo/primal. I've lost the weight that I needed, off the meds, doing fantastic. I've educated, encouraged, ect... but they think this works for me because I'm male and they think I'm a fanatic.
So, I've laid low for a while and figured that I will just lead by example. I am very sensitive to their emotions and I am not pushy... but they are just getting sicker.

Thank you for any insight.

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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by The Walrus on Mon Jan 01, 2018 9:33 am

When threads collide - do you know Jason Seib and his AltShift plan? He's written a book called Body Beliefs that addresses some of the emotional issues that keep women (men too, obviously) from changing their unhealthy habits.

Without knowing you, it seems your wife and daughter might feel they cannot control their own health - they can't even imagine that they have a choice. Until they bring their thinking around to that, they won't have success. And it is what one does rather than what one doesn't do that makes the difference.

Would love to see you posting a success story here in a year or so - hope you get some good insights!
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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by Annieh on Mon Jan 01, 2018 3:05 pm

Labtech,  hi.  

In answer to your questions, what got me going with a lifestyle change - basically I was sick and tired of feeling tired and bloated. Additionally I had a scary moment with gut pain.  Also, I had finally run out of excuses.  Oldest children left home, youngest child started new school with much more independence, it was time to invest in myself again.  

I psyched myself into it for a few months in advance - first I won a voucher to a gym trial, which I committed to use as soon as school went back. So I joined the gym, stumbled across MDA, then friends invited me to join them regularly on hikes.  It all came together.

What made it sustainable was almost instant results, which continued to make me feel better and better.  Deviating never felt worth it. The forum here also helped, other than my gym instructor who I admired and other gym buddies who mostly weren't doing primal there was not much encouragement in real life.

What makes it easy - Eggs. I call them my secret weapon.  Eating eggs does seem to make the rest of it easier! Other than that, it isn't really easy but it is simple.  Stick with the programme.  Only buy the food you intend to eat.  Stay within the carb curve. Keep your appointments at the gym (or wherever). Go to bed on time.  etc.

Also, mindset.  Nothing about this lifestyle is to do with deprivation.  Nothing.  It's all about choosing what's best.
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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by Narrowminded on Mon Jan 01, 2018 7:55 pm

Labtech i did write something on your page about them needing to want it for themselves, however framing it on what you choose or not to eat, sometimes makes it more palatable than saying you can’t eat this or that. Actually, when telling others what I’ve been doing to lose the weight, I say. Well breakfast is usually eggs with lots of veggies and bacon or sausage, lunch is left over dinner or a salad with tuna, salmon or meat/chicken. Dinner is generally meat or fish and veg. When stated that way it sounds very “normal” and not weird as they don’t even realize you didn’t have toast with your eggs, or a sandwich with bread or pasta etc.

In your case though, living in the same home, they’ve watched you pass on things I’m guessing but may not even realize it. They may think they’re doing what your doing and it’s not helping.

Not sure who does the cooking, but you could take that over along with the shopping and hopefully they’d eat what you cook? Might be a place to start
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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by Rig D on Tue Jan 02, 2018 10:26 am

I think the female perspectives above are all good and I agree.
On a strategy perspective, how united a front are your wife and daughter? If one of them is a weak link you might develop a plan to target her as a starting point. If you can get either one to make some adjustment and see results, that should help sway the other one.

One thing you say that caught my eye is their perspective that it worked for you because you are a guy. I think you can easily attack that argument by going through the MDA Success stories and picking out those written by women, especially if you can find some whose starting situations look similar to theirs. There are a lot of them to pick from. Whether you can get either one to read them is another issue altogether, but it is a place to start.



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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by ONTARIO on Tue Jan 02, 2018 1:33 pm

Although I think your intentions are good I also think it's very hard to make someone want to change.

Do you do much of the cooking? Is there any way you could make meals that are primal/paleo that would please their palates? I'm wondering if they assume primal foods taste terrible and aren't willing to try. Maybe start with more dessert-like things that match their heightened sweet tastes they are likely accustomed to and work down from there.

What about suggesting everyone take a simple walk around the block every night? Just small steps to get them going. I can imagine that it would be VERY hard to be motivated to move if you are obese and it's physically hard for them. And if they are unfit and tired the thought of having to re-learn how to cook meals might be too much for them to take on. Perhaps you could helm the ship for a while and do all the cooking until they are feeling a bit more motivated.

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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by Labtech on Sat Jan 06, 2018 6:51 am

Hi everyone...I'm back. Sorry it took so long to reply. I work 64+ hrs a week-- very little free time.
Walrus--- I will look into the work of Jason Seib. My wife and daughter are very resistant to reading anything. They say they already know what to do. They have not read or are interested in any of my books that have helped me. --Me, on the other hand, am still very motivated and excited and read everything I can find about Primal/Paleo. Been at this for several years.
Annieh--- I've had gym memberships before, but could not find the time to consistently go. My DW and DD will not even consider it. You are right about eggs -- so convenient. Yes, they see a lot of deprivation in this. I am always reminding them they can make these foods yummy for them --- make it their Diet. I've already made it good and satisfying for me, but they look at what I eat and find it gross.
Narrowminded--- yeah, I don't think they want this for themselves... that's probably the biggest problem. Even though they are both suffering various health problems. As far as the cooking and shopping-- I basically have to cook and shop for my own stuff. They continue to eat out or shop and cook (very little cooking) for themselves. What's interesting is they will shop and pick up my stuff too. They have been generally supportive of the way I eat.
Rig D---- If I could get I could get either my DW or DD on board, then the other may follow along, maybe. I've tried to get them to look at success stories before, but they are not interested.
Ontario--- I have to cook for myself. The few times I've tried to make something I think they would eat - they would not. They have a huge sweet tooth.... major carb addiction. My kitchen is a veritable mine field for the Primal types. I navigate very carefully. As far as walking goes.. I've invited both of them with me on my walks... they have every excuse imaginable for not going.

Thanks, everyone. I'll keep on keeping on with them. Something will hopefully light their fire.

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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by Lovebird on Sat Jan 06, 2018 7:00 am

Labtech wrote:I will look into the work of Jason Seib. My wife and daughter are very resistant to reading anything. They say they already know what to do. They have not read or are interested in any of my books that have helped me.

You may want to check out http://primalforums.forumotion.com/t119-altshift-jason-seib#2098 as Jason has joined the forum to answer questions.

Labtech wrote:Thanks, everyone. I'll keep on keeping on with them. Something will hopefully light their fire.

There's always hope to keep us going...
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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by Narrowminded on Sat Jan 06, 2018 9:46 am

Labtech my husbands cousin is like your DW & DD. She is happier complaining and filling her body with additional toxins for her issues. There are some who just not believe that food can be thy medicine. They are steeped in conv medicine and if their Dr says it won’t help, they they won’t even try. My mother is that way, she even witnessed it in her own body when living with me for a month. She’d rather take her insulin than change.

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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by Rig D on Sat Jan 06, 2018 10:04 am

It sounds like daughter and wife both have "the walls up." The last idea I have is along the lines of a frontal assault, exact approach would kind of depend on a few things like 1. How many years have they been attempting to address the weight problem? 2. Do they follow doctor's advice on what to do? 3. Are they really concerned about their weight? 4 Do they do various fad diets?
My idea is essentially to challenge their lack of success in losing weight. If they have adhered to MD ideas, eaten what they see, done what they say to do, and it has been going on a long time, and possibly have tried a number of fad diets then simply hit 'em up with the idea that they have been failing for a long time, why not give my approach a try, do it for 2 months, if it doesn't work, they can always go back. They've got nothing to lose by trying an alternative.
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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by Labtech on Sat Jan 06, 2018 1:00 pm

They've both been overweight for a long time...on various diets and have lost some weight for a few weeks, but they can't get in their minds that this is not a diet. It's a way of eating. So they always go back to their "comfort" foods and gain back any weight they lost.
I have struggled just the same before I found primal. I know I can't get away with eating like I used to. When I told my wife this, she actually cried... once again, thinking I'm a fanatic. So, I usually lay low about this topic. It's frustrating when I see my DD and DW start on meds and talk about bariatric surgery! It's amazing how closed minded most people are.. the ones most likely to be helped with this info. When I'm around co-workers or family, I've learned to just keep my mouth shut.. I was beginning to be known as "that guy". Thanks for the rant...end of. Thanks guys and gals for the input.

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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by Rig D on Sat Jan 06, 2018 1:20 pm

I hear you. Have you looked on the web to try and find any females in your town who have adapted a primal/paleo program who might be willing to talk to them?  Or maybe look at the primal coach web site www.primalhealthcoach.com
There are 5 coaches in Florida when I looked a little while ago.

It is hard to conceive of a person being willing to take medications of various sorts and seriously entertain bariatric surgery, but won't entertain a two month trial of a different eating plan. I truly feel for you and them.
.
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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by Pedidoc on Sat Jan 06, 2018 2:20 pm

Jumping in whole hog is probably overwhelming to them. Ask them to make one change that they will keep for a month. It could be giving up soda, measuring rice/pasta (I did this with my DH to show a 1/2 cup serving), giving up chips, or whatever they choose. The next month add another. I'm sure their healthcare provider would support this approach, if you need back up. I actually got started by giving up diet soda.
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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by nikitakolata on Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:18 pm

If your wife and daughter are seriously considering bariatric surgery do they realize they'll probably be asked to lose weight before they can get the surgery? And, also, they will be severely limited in what they can eat after (both types of foods and quantities). Are they aware of that?

If they think they can do a specialized diet to qualify for surgery then maybe you can convince them to try primal or keto or something first. If they do that and lose weight they may realize that what they're doing is easier than having surgery and that you don't really miss a lot of those comfort carbs all that much after a few weeks.
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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by The Walrus on Wed Jan 10, 2018 4:11 pm

I never knew that, Pedidoc, I started by giving up Diet Coke, which I firmly belief is a product of Satan. Twisted Evil I couldn't believe the effect it had on my appetite - an hour after drinking a Diet Coke I 1)wanted another coke and 2) could eat everything in the fridge.

Years ago I saw a nutritionist - she suggested changing at least one thing and no more than three things at a time - you adapt and build new habits.
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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by Labtech on Thu Jan 11, 2018 8:59 pm

Thanks for all the suggestions everyone. My wife is going to start "Atkins" on Monday. She has done this many times before. This time I'm going to try to transition her to Primal when she gets sick of her version of Atkins. I think the problem is lack of variety in her diet when she goes this route.
My daughter is having psychiatric reactions to Inderal that she is taking for migraines. We are trying to deal with this and trying to clean up her diet without stressing her too much.
Its really hard to keep from screaming..... If you would go full on Primal-- you would be so much better off.

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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by Rig D on Fri Jan 12, 2018 6:10 am

The start up with Atkins is really tough as I recall. My biggest problem was having no energy whatsoever. Best of luck transitioning her over to Primal. Your daughter's situation does not sound good, I hope you have some success. Good luck on all fronts.
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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by ONTARIO on Fri Jan 12, 2018 8:09 am

Is there any chance they might just start with eliminating only one food for a month? I'm thinking something non-food they likely eat a lot of, like potato chips or soda, etc. Just ONE thing. And then next month an additional thing. Could they do that?

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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by nikitakolata on Fri Jan 12, 2018 12:38 pm

Well, I don't know if this will help, but going low carb/keto has eliminated my migraines. It's pretty much the only benefit for me (no weight loss whatsoever), but it's important. I tell myself that I'm healthier this way even though I am not losing weight.
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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by Lovebird on Sat Jan 13, 2018 3:03 am

Labtech wrote:Thanks for all the suggestions everyone. My wife is going to start "Atkins" on Monday. She has done this many times before. This time I'm going to try to transition her to Primal when she gets sick of her version of Atkins. I think the problem is  lack of variety in her diet when she goes this route.

Nothing wrong with Atkins when done the way it was intended originally... which is very close to Prmal. Protein and veggies for meals, with some dairy added, mostly cream in coffee and sauces, and butter. BTDT, great results. Lack of variety could be the big issue indeed.

And the fact that she treats it as a diet... not to mention the artificial ingredients.

Good luck! Hope you find a way to help your daughter too.

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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by Labtech on Sat Jan 13, 2018 3:20 pm

Thanks, I got my wife off aspartame a while back, but she now drinks a diet lemonade that is sweetened with a little sugar and stevia. I keep getting her to make it more and more diluted... she says drinking plain water makes her sick. I heard that even non calorie sweeteners will keep your insulin up thus making it almost impossible to loose weight. She drinks this stuff all day long. That seems to be part of her problem. When she cuts her calories, she just gets tired and lays around even more.. and still doesn't loose weight.

I do believe low carb/keto would help with my daughters migraines.... still trying to motivate.

I'm always trying to convince them that this is a lifestyle/ way of eating change, instead of treating this as a diet that they will eventually go off of.

thanks everyone, Labtech Smile

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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by The Walrus on Sat Jan 13, 2018 7:59 pm

I use Nuun tablets in my water bottle - it makes all the difference for me, as I am not a drinker of any beverages. I easily get down 2 liters a day with these - they have a slight taste, and you can get ones that are sweetened with monk fruit. I usually dilute them more than suggested because I just want a little taste - they are too sweet for me when mixed as directed. But maybe it would work for your wife.
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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by Labtech on Sun Jan 14, 2018 6:59 pm

Thanks, Walrus--- I'll get her to try Nuun. Sounds like it has electrolytes and other good stuff. It should give her a little variety instead of the same old stuff. This week I'm also going to make some easy quiche/casserole type dishes for me and her so meals will be pretty dead easy. She's very picky when it comes to vegetables.. so maybe I can disguise them a little and make them yummy. I'm not much of a cook, but I'm going to wing it with simple ingredients with a base of frozen veggies. I have to make this very simple.

I've looked into some of the work of Jason Seib. Seems like a lot of psychology involved, but I can see some tendencies in my wife and daughter he describes.. maybe I'll get his book to delve further. Neither of them will read a book. At least it will add to my knowledge base... sometimes I feel like a health coach to them.

Thanks, Nikitakolata, you give me hope for my daughters migraines. Right now we are weaning her off of Inderol because of side effects.
She's not much for meat... maybe she'll lean a little towards Pegan.

I'm going with small steps right now, and I have made a few changes with what they eat.

Thanks, Labtech

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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by Narrowminded on Sun Jan 14, 2018 7:57 pm

Another thought, is of you are making a sauce for something, is hiding veg in it. I did that with my son when he was small. This was 25 years ago, so when I’d make pasta, I’d put the tomatoes sauce into the blender with a bunch a veg and whir it up. He never knew he was eating the veg, as I never did it in front of him. At the time he would only eat carrots.
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Re: Help for wife and daughter.

Post by Pedidoc on Sun Jan 14, 2018 9:54 pm

Narrowminded wrote:Another thought, is of you are making a sauce for something, is hiding veg in it. I did that with my son when he was small. This was 25 years ago, so when I’d make pasta, I’d put the tomatoes sauce into the blender with a bunch a veg and whir it up. He never knew he was eating the veg, as I never did it in front of him. At the time he would only eat carrots.

I do the same thing with an immersion blender still, as DH does not like many vegetables.
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